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I agree that mindset is important.  But  I think it's misunderstood and prioritized way too high. It's a problem, but it's not the problem . You've likely heard you must fix your mindset to make the changes you want. (And likely from some internet coach.) You've heard you must stop your "negative thinking" and "shoulding all over yourself." So, you're here to learn how to do so. But I don't think how you think is causing the problems you seek help for. You may have already started trying to change your mindset and ended up feeling frustrated and lost. You might be ready to give up. Great news —you're in the right place!  Let's make sense of mindset, where it comes from, and what you can do to change it finally! in this blog: what is mindset? what is a growth vs fixed mindset? does a growth mindset truly fix everything? the challenge of adopting a growth mindset emotional state vs mindset when do you have a growth mindset? when do you have a fixed mindset? the connection between mindset and polyvagal state how to change your Polyvagal state mindfulness to shift Polyvagal state think less about your thoughts Mindset: What is it? So, the first thing to address is mindset.  We'll start generally.  Merriam Webster  defines mindset as "a mental attitude or inclination."  Cambridge Dictionary  defines it as "a person's way of thinking and opinions." Okay, great, but that doesn't tell us much. Growth vs Fixed Mindset You've likely stumbled upon Carol Dweck's work if you've researched "mindset". While I'm unsure if she initiated the widespread interest in mindset, her name is closely associated with it. My main focus lies in the contributions Carol Dweck has made to the field of psychology, the subsequent developments, and the reasons why it remains somewhat lacking. Focusing on thoughts as the root of one's problems is not a groundbreaking concept. Dweck and proponents argue that mindset can catalyze transformation. Like many others, she believes that if you can change your thinking, your emotions and behaviors will follow. Dweck's focus on cognitions comes in the form of a " growth mindset " and a " fixed mindset ." Fixed mindset: "If you have a fixed mindset, you believe your abilities are fixed traits and therefore can't be changed. You may also believe that your talent and intelligence alone lead to success and effort is not required." - verywellmind.com Growth mindset: "On the flip side, if you have a growth mindset, you believe your talents and abilities can be developed over time through effort and persistence." - verywellmind.com From this framing, the issue lies in your mindset type, particularly a fixed mindset . If you can adopt a growth mindset, then change is possible. Buuuut... Does a growth mindset truly fix everything? Is something wrong with your business? Are you not getting the right grades in school? Can you not communicate effectively with your spouse? Do you want a life partner but can't find one? Is there some sort of emotional dysregulation you're going through that you can't get over? Well, all these things, and a lot more, can be fixed with a growth mindset. At least, that's what the mindset gurus say. If you look up these things online, you will easily find numerous articles, books, courses, videos, and all kinds of stuff that apply the growth mindset idea to these topics. And, yeah, a lot more. the Challenge of Adopting a Growth Mindset Let's do a quick exercise - identify something that you want to change in your life. Something serious. Got it? Great. Okay, you have your problem. Now you know the answer is to adopt a growth mindset to find the solution that will fix your problem. So, I'll give you a moment to go ahead and adopt that growth mindset. Go ahead, I'll wait here. Did you get it? Do you have that growth mindset yet? Hm. Maybe not. To have a growth mindset, you have to grow it. You can't just turn it off or on. Sadly, even though the problem is easily diagnosable, it is not easily fixed by simply adopting a growth mindset. You have to grow it. You can't just choose to have a growth mindset. So, how do you get or grow a growth mindset... actually, hang onto that. We'll come back to it. Emotional State vs Mindset I have another question that is more important right now. Why do some people have a growth mindset and some have a fixed mindset? Some easy answers that come to me are: mindset is based on how one is raised mindset comes from birth and never changes mindset can change but it's really hard, so one opts to keep their mindset instead of working at it chemical imbalance perhaps? mental health disorder? illness? No matter the potential reason for one's mindset, we're still left with this assertion—the w ay you think is either right or wrong. I don't find this assertion super helpful. Getting people to think differently is not easy, especially if that's your primary way of addressing someone's presenting problems. People seek therapy for many reasons. And yeah, their thinking is potentially motivating them to seek help. But it's never the only reason. One's thinking doesn't exist in a vacuum. In other words, cognitions don't pop into and out of existence on their own. What we want to change about ourselves is never just a thinking problem. There's always more to it. Emotions lead to mindset, which leads to emotions, which leads to... I find in my therapy and coaching work that thoughts stem from our emotions. At the very least, they occur alongside our emotions, and the two reinforce each other. Thinking pessimistically can come from depression, but it also reinforces the depression. Negative expectations about the future can come from anxiety, and also reinforce the anxiety. Let me switch it up again, and I want to approach this from a different angle. When do you have a growth mindset? When do you naturally have a growth mindset? There are probably moments where you already have it! You don't need to do anything in particular. It's just somehow... there. Ask yourself these growth mindset questions: When do you have positive thoughts? When are you okay with learning from failure? When do you feel more authentic? When do you need less approval from others? When are you okay with being imperfect? You probably already have moments like these. So when is that? If you don't feel that way or never feel that way, imagine what it would look like to be more likely to feel that way. I assume you feel this way or that your mindset changes, probably when you feel calm and relaxed. When you have these emotions, you're probably more open to what life brings you and more connected to your senses. When you feel calm, your failures or obstacles in life probably aren't debilitating. You're probably more likely to roll with them and learn from them. I would guess you have a growth mindset when you're feeling motivated, focused, and energized to keep moving forward, even when there is resistance and frustration. You probably have a growth mindset when you're with others you feel safe with and trust, with whom you can be vulnerable or have fun. You also probably have more of a growth mindset when playing a game and socializing. Like, if you're playing Cornhole (which I'm sure we all do) and miss a throw, as long as you're with people and having a good time, it won't be debilitating. You'll probably pick up the sandbag and try it again. And if you miss that one, which you probably will, you'll try it again. You may not realize it, but in a sense, you have a growth mindset. You're seeing these little failures like missing the hole and trying to do better the next time. The point is that there are probably contexts in your life where you already have a growth mindset or something similar to one. So, why would it be there in some contexts but not others? When do you have a fixed mindset? How about with a fixed mindset? When do you have limiting beliefs? When are you more frustrated and think you'll fail? When do you feel like there's no point in trying? When do you feel like a loser and don't believe in yourself? I'm guessing it's probably when you're more emotionally upset, not calm, or not connected to the present moment. I would guess it's probably when you're feeling more alone or rejected, and I would guess it's probably when you're feeling pressured. Your emotional state has a lot to do with whether you have a fixed or growth mindset. I don't think one has either growth or fixed. Perhaps it's a spectrum of fixed to growth. Your emotions influence your mindset on that spectrum, but the intensity of your emotions does as well. When you're mildly frustrated, you probably lean toward a growth mindset. As you get increasingly frustrated, your mindset probably slides toward fixed. But this leads to another and better question—what's causing the emotion that is causing and reinforcing one's mindset? the Connection Between Mindset and Polyvagal State We know your mindset doesn't exist on its own for no reason. It comes from your emotional state, and we know your mindset and emotions reinforce each other. Another obvious question - What's triggering your emotions to shift your mindset? Your emotions come from your Polyvagal state. (If you don't know the Polyvagal Theory, use my free Polyvagal Intro page.) Your Polyvagal state comes from your brainstem detecting safety or danger, shifting your autonomic nervous system into an appropriate state based on context. For example, when the brainstem neurocepts you're in danger, it shifts your body's state to sympathetic flight or fight. Your body prioritizes its functions for survival through evasion or aggression. In this state, your body is activated and cannot settle down and relax. Your emotions will be anxious, aggressive, irritated, or worried, among others. And your thoughts will focus on potential "dangers," like work stresses or past interactions with people. Conversely, when your brainstem neurocepts safety, it will shift your body's state accordingly. When you're in a state of safety, you will feel calm, playful, intimate, and connected. Your thoughts will be hopeful, and you'll be more focused. You will have a greater potential for a growth mindset in this state. Your mindset potential changes depending on the state of your body. What affects your Polyvagal state? So, your mindset comes from your body's state, but your state shifts based on factors from several sources: environment, interpersonal, and intrapersonal. Each of us will experience these factors differently, and how things will affect us is not always predictable. One's past influences one's current state as well. Having experienced a healthy attachment with caregivers and established healthy boundaries will likely foster a growth mindset. This can enable individuals to navigate life's challenges, maintain a positive outlook, show compassion towards themselves and others, and learn from experiences. Indeed, being raised with an emphasis on the value of effort increases the likelihood of possessing a growth mindset. Trauma & growth mindset Trauma can severely limit someone's potential for existing in a Polyvagal state of safety, which is essential for a growth mindset. Trauma isn't the events or lack of events someone went through. Instead, it's the impact of those events on their bodies. In essence, trauma is being stuck in a defensive state. Does this mean someone who is traumatized cannot or will never achieve a growth mindset? Of course not. These individuals may appreciate the importance of sustained effort and never giving up. Their recovery may be instrumental in sustaining their growth mindset and efforts. Let's come back to where we started. Change Your State to Change Your Mindset Yeah, mindset is important, of course. But in my opinion, mindset is not as important as your state . Your state is the primary mover. If we can change your state, your mindset will change. Trying to change your mindset while you're in a defensive state is likely to reinforce that state—"I knew I couldn't do it!" It's just not as simple as changing your thoughts. Those with a growth mindset already have a lot or enough access to their safety state.  When obstacles occur in their lives or if they have a failure or a mini failure, they don't sink deeply into defensive state activation. They can roll with what life throws at them because their safety state is strong enough, resulting in higher distress tolerance and a growth mindset. This individual might even be able to feel and mindfully use their defensive state activation. When anxious, angry, or stressed, they use that energy to accomplish a goal. Or, at least make progress on one. The point is that people with a growth mindset have a pretty darn good anchoring in their safety state. That's probably the most significant difference between them and someone with a fixed mindset. The growth mindset person didn't wake up with a growth mindset; it was fostered and developed along with continual safety state activation. Their capacity to tolerate distress grew on an autonomic level, and then their thoughts followed. The problem is not a fixed mindset A fixed mindset is a problem,  but it's not  the problem.  Mindset and its accompanying thoughts are probably a tertiary problem. The primary problem is the Polvagal state. The secondary problem is the sensations and impulses from that state that haven't been felt and acted upon. When these aren't acted upon, they linger in the system. We feel them as emotions like anxiety and anger. Emotions affect our thoughts, which make up our mindset. A stuck defensive Polyvagal state is the primary problem. This leads to your mindset. How to change your Polyvagal state How do you go about changing your state, then? It's not easy, but it is possible to change your underlying autonomic state and achieve a higher level of safety. You need at least two essential ingredients to activate your safety state - literal safety passive safety cues Literal safety First, you have to have literal, actual, factual environmental safety. You have to be surrounded by a safe enough environment. If you're in a dangerous environment, it will be tough to have a growth mindset. Probably impossible. The other thing would be having actual safe people in your life versus people who are causing you harm or are directly a danger to you. Again, it is unlikely to impossible to have a growth mindset in this scenario. Passive safety cues The absence of danger does not equate to safety. It just means there is no danger. However, the absence of danger provides an opportunity to lay a foundation of safety. Introduce passive safety cues into your home to lay a foundation of safety. In my Building Safety Anchors course, I recommend picking one spot in your home to create a Passive Safety Environment (PSE). You use this space to adjust various environmental elements, like lighting, sound, and scent. When you change sensory elements of your Passive Safety Environment, try to identify what generally feels better than not. The goal is to create safety cues within your PSE that steadily trigger your safety state passively. The point is that passive safety cues are better than the absence of danger. From passive safety cueing, you can then shift to mindful safety anchoring. Mindfulness to shift Polyvagal state Mindfulness is a core piece of what I do with my clients and through my courses . Mindfulness means connecting with the present moment. In the present moment, you can feel safe, be curious about your mindset, and even shift out of a danger state. The easiest way to be mindful might be to use your senses. But don't use all of them at once. Pick the one that is the most easily accessible for you and focus on what it's telling you. When you focus on that one sense, try to slow down and experience it. Listen deeply to what it tells you. Take a breath in and let it out slowly, noticing the present-moment experience of your sense. Ask yourself, "Does what I am experiencing feel more or less like safety?" Practice this little mindfulness exercise daily. Your capacity to be mindful in other areas will increase as you do. You will become more acquainted with your safety state and notice it more often. Your safety state will strengthen, especially if you can combine mindfulness with letting yourself feel some defensive activation. When mindful like this, having a fixed mindset is difficult. When connected to the present moment, your thought potential opens up. A fixed mindset's all-or-nothing thinking erodes, giving way to a growth mindset. Think less about your thoughts I hope this little blog has helped you rethink your thinking and what helps you shift your mindset potential. I believe too much time and energy is spent changing our thoughts. I like working with other coaches in my coaching practice ; they tell me they're sick of stressing about their thoughts and getting their mindset "right." They're sick of stressing about negative thoughts, "shoulds," and fixed mindsets. There's value in awareness of thinking, sure. But there's more value to what's happening underneath your thinking - the stuff you're probably unaware of. Instead of endlessly trying to change your thinking, focus on connecting to the present moment. Then, notice your thinking and if it's changed or not. There's way more to you and each of us than our mindset. I invite you to become more curious about what else is within you. If you're enjoying this type of content, you'll love the exclusive Polyvagal-informed goodies and community within the Stuck Not Broken: Total Access Membership . Inside, you'll get access to courses designed to help you get unstuck and join others on a similar journey as you. Q&A from this Blog: 1. Why isn’t mindset the root of the problem? Mindset is often seen as the primary factor driving personal success, but it’s more of a secondary or even tertiary issue. Our emotional and physical states, driven by our autonomic nervous system, shape our mindset. If you're stuck in a defensive state, it’s much harder to simply change your mindset. The real work is in shifting your state, which then opens up the potential for mindset change. 2. Can I adopt a growth mindset immediately? No, adopting a growth mindset isn’t something that happens instantly. It’s not a switch you can flip. You develop a growth mindset over time by first focusing on your emotional and physical safety, which creates the foundation for it to naturally develop. 3. How does mindfulness help shift mindset? Mindfulness helps by connecting you to the present moment and allowing you to access your Polyvagal state of safety and connection. When you’re mindful, it’s easier to notice and shift out of a defensive state, which can then lead to a more open, growth-oriented mindset. Focusing less on thoughts and more on your present-moment sensations is key. 3 Quotes from this Blog: To have a growth mindset, you have to grow it. You can't just turn it off or on. Sadly, even though the problem is easily diagnosable, it is not easily fixed by simply adopting a growth mindset. The absence of danger does not equate to safety. It just means there is no danger. However, the absence of danger provides an opportunity to lay a foundation of safety. There's way more to you and each of us than our mindset. I invite you to become more curious about what else is within you. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach who specializes in trauma relief. He hosts the  Stuck Not Broken podcast , is the author of  Stuck Not Broken: Book 1,  and is a Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board member. He specializes in treating trauma and helping individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

As much as I want you to get the relief that you need and that you deserve, I also don't want you to push yourself further than your safety state can take you. When doing more direct work on your trauma, like meditation, self-reflection, journaling, or guided imagery, there is such a thing as taking it too far and needing to stop. ( podcast listeners and I call this direct trauma work "Stucknauting") What "stopping" means "Stopping" means ending a trauma work session. As in, you're in your safety environment, grounded in safety, but then notice emerging dysregulation and then choose to end the session. Stopping could mean simply stopping and re-regulating yourself. It could also mean pausing and returning to the exercise after you're re-regulated and back in your safety state. So, stopping does not mean that you never come back to working on your trauma. Stopping does not mean that you give up—quite the opposite. "Does stopping mean that I failed?" Heck no! It's actually important that you stop or pause mindfully and make the conscious choice to do so. That indicates your vagal brake is active, and you're able to notice before getting sucked into a dysregulated downward spiral. We do not want to get sucked into dysregulation. So, if you can mindfully notice your limit, then pause and return, this will help to increase your distress tolerance further. So, how do you recognize that it's time to stop? Three signs it's time to stop: 1. Fear is taking over —The experience of fear (immobilization in flight/fight) is okay and an expected emotion of self-regulation. But we don't want it to be overpowering. When this happens, it'll be felt as panic or overwhelm (possibly rage, too). 2. You're no longer curious —When you lose the ability to feel curious or interested, you lose access to your  safety state.  This is a good time to pause, re-regulate, and return when ready. 3. Uninvited memories surface —You will probably have different images and memories surface as you delve into your stuck defensive state. And that's okay. But we want them to be welcomed, not intrusive. If a memory surfaces that you cannot welcome, it's completely okay to pause the exercise, re-regulate, and return when you're ready. Next, we need to discuss what to do about it... Ground in safety and return to safety "Safety," of course, refers to your  Polyvagal  state of safety and social engagement. Ground in safety When you begin a session of trauma work, you want to be grounded in safety. That means your body is existing in the present moment. You have access to your sensory inputs and the experiences of the external world as they unfold. That also means you can look inward with curiosity at your SSIEC domains - State, Sensation, Impulse, Emotion & Cognition. I created a free SSIEC download for you below. Return to Safety When you lose access to your safety state, actively do something to re-anchor yourself . Anchoring can look different for each of us, so I will hone in on one aspect for now: allowing for movement. If you are getting sucked into dysregulation and immobility and unable to tolerate it, then I recommend getting mobile . Get up and move around. Remind your body that you are safe and that you can move. Fidgeting can be helpful for minor dysregulation. For more severe dysregulation, getting up, leaving the immediate area, and going to another might be more helpful. Once the immediate dysregulation has subsided, you can return to your passive safety environment and work more deliberately, re-anchoring yourself in your safety state. Mobility and five other anchoring potentials are taught in depth in the Building Safety Anchors course . Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach who specializes in trauma relief. He hosts the  Stuck Not Broken podcast , is the author of  Stuck Not Broken: Book 1,  and is a Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board member. He specializes in treating trauma and helping  individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

Every now and again I'll get a college student that reaches out to me to ask some questions for their class. This is one of those examples. Rather than keeping it to just the class, I thought I'd share as a blog post for all. I'm interested in your answers as well, feel free to leave a comment below. Hi Justin, I'm doing a presentation on alternative options in the therapy world ... polyvagal theory is perfect!  Here are the questions.  If there is anything else you want to share, please do: 1) What lead you to want to work in the field of psychology? I realized I didn't like creating what my art teachers were telling me in my college art classes. I had assumed that art would be my major since it had been my life long passion. Luckily I learned this within the first semester and went on to the next major, which was Sociology and then Psychology. It was simply an inkling. Something I felt a small pull toward. I could feel a pull toward doing 1:1 counseling with people in need and thought I'd be good at it. 2) What kind of education do you have and where did you get it?   I have a BA in Sociology from San Jose State and an MA in Counseling Psychology from Argosy University. But in my opinion the real education started in my practicum placement and afterward. Trial by fire in the non-profit therapy world is an irreplaceable experience for learning and building confidence. And then discovering the polyvagal theory and diving head first into obsessively absorbing every ounce of it really catapulted my learning in a new direction that fit directly with how I viewed my role as a therapist and the potential for change of my clients . 3) How did you discover polyvagal theory?  I work for a school district and have a lot of time in the summer to develop new programs, curriculums and advance my learning. In 2018, I was frustrated with my outcomes when it came to working with trauma and especially the more dissociative/shutdown/severe depression type. So I a large chunk of my time that summer to start from the beginning with learning about trauma and also how to treat it. I first stumbled upon Peter Levine and his Somatic Experiencing through a YouTube search for treating trauma, then was connected to a lecture from Stephen Porges. Everything that they were both saying was clicking in a major major way and had me hooked from the get. I spent probably a year continuing to absorb information as much as my greedy eyes could get, including their books , lectures, interviews and articles. When I say I was "obsessed" I'm not exaggerating. 4) How do you incorporate polyvagal theory into your work as at LMFT?  The first way I have incorporated the PVT is by better identifying what autonomic state my clients are in. I can now identify when they are in a shutdown state, a flight/fight state or a social engagement state. And I know the limitations and benefits of each of those autonomic platforms, which helps to guide my interventions. The second thing I have enhanced is my ability to co-regulate. Before, I was placing more emphasis on catharsis and insight. I knew that being a good therapist and really nailing the fundamental skills was important, but I didn't know the full extent that my co-regulation had on the client and the session. No I know that it's absolutely central to the process and I also know the objective pieces of co-regulation that I can monitor within myself. 5) In what ways is polyvagal theory better/more helpful then more traditional forms of therapy (CBT, talk therapy, etc). So the polyvagal theory is not a therapeutic modality in and of itself. It's the science that underlies how mammals connect, but also how we respond to danger. The PVT is the science, not the techniques. Now it lends some thoughts on what interventions or techniques might be helpful or not, but it's ultimately up to the practitioner on how they apply the teachings. I believe that every therapist should have a firm understanding of the PVT which will enhance whatever therapuetic modalities they're using. 6) Are there any down-sides to polyvagal theory ... triggering, regression, etc.? Learning about the Polyvagal Ladder is potentially triggering. But it can also be super healing and normalizing. It's something that I teach my clients but not until I think they're ready for it. Usually they'll give me a sign they're ready for new information by saying they don't understand something or expressing their desperation for new information. If I were to simply go into the ladder and how we respond to traumatic events without the client being prepared, it's almost guaranteed it's going to be too triggering. When Mercedes and I present about the PVT at work or when I do solo presentations , I always always always ask the audience to "put themselves first." (She and I actually say the same thing at the outset of every episode of the podcast .) 7) As a therapist, what do you do maintain your own mental and emotional health, so that you do not get burned out? I put my own self-regulation first, because without that everything else kinda falls apart. I also developed healthy boundaries very early on in my career. And I never ever bring my work home with me. Like I literally don't bring it home with me, but I also leave work every day knowing that I did my best and I'm good with that. But for self-regulation in particular, I love love drawing. And I love podcasting and all the social media stuff I'm doing. So these outlets are my way of discharging some stress and getting up to my social engagement system and more connected to myself as well. I've also begun to do some almost daily meditations. At least in micro doses. I've found these to be very helpful in self-regulation. Thanks so much, Justin! You're welcome! :)

I'm assuming you already have a decent understanding of the Polyvagal Theory and are ready for what to do next. So I won't be spending any time on the PVT basics, but check out my Polyvagal Intro page if you need to. In this blog, I want to make sure you have a top-down understanding of what to do with the Polyvagal information you've collected in your research already. The Polyvagal Theory is not a modality. It's not a set of techniques. It's not a therapy style. It's science. It's nerdy. It's academic. It's dense. It can be overwhelming. It could leave you wondering what to do with all that information. You've learned the Polyvagal Theory. Now what? Of course, you could always continually go back and relearn aspects of the Polyvagal Theory. I think this is a great idea. You may even want to go back and relearn from the primary sources. I have a nifty gifty called the "Polyvagal Primary Books" checklist below for you to download. Use it to keep track of what you're learning. Besides that, the next step, in my opinion, is to build the strength of your safety state. I think this is always a good idea, whether you live in a stuck defensive state or not. There's a bunch of potential benefits. I'll briefly go over 3. Benefit #1 - Getting unstuck from a traumatized state This might be the most obvious benefit. With a stronger vagal brake, there comes a higher level of distress tolerance. With higher distress tolerance, there is more interest, motivation and capacity to feel your stuck defensive state and allow Polyvagal ladder climbing to happen. Without the safety state being strong enough, working on your stuck state might end up being retraumatizing. It's a potentially disastrous idea to delve into the inner pain without being prepared. It surfaces the emotions, memories, sensations and impulses without the ability to actively experience them. This ends up causing dysregulation and reinforcing the stuck state. There's even a good chance that you will turn to maladaptive coping mechanisms. " Behavioral adaptations ," in Polyvagal language. This is exactly why I have phase 2 of my Polyvagal Trauma Relief System focus entirely on building the strength of your vagal brake. This middle phase is essential. It's absolutely necessary before going directly into the stuck state. It's how I work as a therapist as well. The ability to stay present and anchored in safety needs to come before the more direct trauma work. Benefit #2 - Greater distress tolerance for the basics in life Developing your safety pathways will also directly benefit your day to day living. The things that are irritations will be less irritating. The things that are triggering will be less triggering. You will have more capacity to connect with others. You'll be more empathetic and attuned to other peoples' state and feelings. You'll also have more capacity to connect with yourself. You'll be more understanding of your own feelings. You'll be more compassionate. All of this builds a person with more patience. More ability to connect. Someone who can actually relax, but also feel motivated. Someone who is able to use their mixed states of play and stillness. Benefit #3 - Greater distress tolerance for new challenges in life When you develop your vagal brake, you also become more prepared for new challenges in life. You will have more motivation to make change. And with making change comes confronting difficulties or areas where you need growth. Like maybe going back to school. Maybe ending a toxic relationship that you've been putting off. Maybe setting firmer boundaries. It could be applying to a new job or starting a YouTube channel (which is something I have been working on ). Whatever it is, these changes will bring obstacles and challenges. Both in a practical way, like deciding what type of camera or microphone to get for your new YouTube channel, but also in a more emotionally challenging way. Like facing the fear of telling your parents that you need more space. Or being able to say "no" at work. Those situations are going to challenge your distress tolerance. This is something that I am currently working on for myself. As I face newzchallenges in my little business, I am constantly confronted with challenges. Confronting some ingrained money issues from my family is one of them. Confronting fear of success is one of them. Also fear of rejection from those I want to serve. All of these come from or trigger a defensive state within me. As I develop my vagal brake strength, my ability to sit with that distress also builds. No matter what your next steps are in your Polyvagal learning journey, make sure you have a strong foundation in your understandings . I have loads of free information, much of which has been collected into the Learning Hubs and downloads in the free Members Center .

Alright, let's see if we can get deeper into understanding the vagal brake and the safety state! This is the next step after learning the Polyvagal Theory. Before doing any direct trauma work, the safety state must be developed. It needs to be accessed and strengthened. One-dimensional safety If we were to look at the safety state in one-dimensional terms, meaning, very basic or cartoony, this is what it may look like: happy connected empathetic love trust positive hopeful These experiences and more are obviously not always accessible. Most of us don't exist in these safety experiences for very long, if at all. Usually, if we do, they will be shorter lived or mixed with some level of defense. Like connection. We may have an impulse to connect, but be shy. Or be empathetic, but not know how to help and feel hopeless. The safety state in real life (and the others) is not the one-dimensional portrayals in this list. It's more subtle, but present. It's easy to miss. Safety is easy to miss During one of my Stucknaut Meetups for course members, two of the attendees reported feeling ready to join clubs and meet new people. Both of these Stucknauts were in my Building Safety Anchors course. When they reported this, I mentioned how our impulses to connect can look different. One of those ways might be joining new activities and being open to new connections with people. And I shared with them how one of my therapy clients felt an impulse to connect with people around his hobby of bicycling. All three of these individuals hadn't realized it, but they were feeling ready for connection and putting themselves out there in a way that felt tolerable. Both of the Stucknauts in my Meetup reacted similarly: they smiled with delighted eyes and laughed at the realization that they were accessing the top of their Polyvagal Ladder and ready for connection. My bicycling client reacted similarly. Having the cognitive realization seemed to be invigorating and encouraging for all three of them, reinforcing what the body already knew - they were ready for connection. Enough safety On a more daily basis, safety is easy to miss, yes. But safety is there if you're paying attention. Is it possible that you have zero access to your safety state and it's really just not there? Sure... but also kinda no. Even if you think you have zero access to your safety state... you're here. You're reading this blog. You're able to be interested or curious enough to get this far. You have enough self-awareness and maybe even self-compassion to try to make change. That comes from enough of your safety state being active to be connected with yourself enough to recognize you need help. Or to recognize enough of the inner world and feel the pains you have. You have some level of connection to the self. You have some level of connection to hope that change is possible. If you didn't have access to your safety state, then you'd be in a defensive state. And if that were true, then you would be running, fighting, collapsing or freezing. If safety wasn't present, then you'd be behaviorally defensive. That's why I don't believe that you have absolutely zero access to your safety state. Does that person exist in this very moment somewhere in the world? Yeah, definitely. I just don't think it's you. I'll prove it with one simple question right now. What is the current flavor of your immobility? Right now, you're probably immobile. If you're somehow reading this while jogging, I applaud you. Also, make sure you're checking for people and cars and - you know what? Just stop jogging and read this! You're currently immobile. What is the flavor of your immobility? Is it more defensive or more safety? Here's how to tell - Do you have more relaxation or heaviness? Do you have more curiosity or judgment? Do you feel more calm or hopeless? If you're more on the side of relaxed, curious and calm, then you have more safety flavoring your system. If you're more on the defensive, the fact is that you're still here reading this. And immobile. So that tells me you have some or enough safety in your system. If you didn't, then you would be immobilized with fear, and that would be a freeze. You wouldn't be able to read this and take it in and ask yourself those questions. If you were immobile without fear, but also without safety, then you'd be in a full-on shutdown. That could be collapsed and dissociative for fainted. It could also be stuck in bed and completely lacking motivation, being heavy, and numb and hopeless. Either of these defensive immobilizations might be commonplace for you. But right now, in this moment, are you able to notice enough safety to be immobile? The impulse to connect Safety can look different for each one of us, but there are commonalities. The underlying factor as I understand the Polyvagal safety state is an impulse to connect. Connect with the self and connect with others. When you're looking inward at the flavor of your Polyvagal state, ask yourself how much connection capacity you have. That might be the best indicator of safety. If you are struggling to access or identify your safety state, I have a course designed just for you. It's for the person that is in their trauma recovery process and have a good understanding of the Polyvagal Theory. The course is called Building Safety Anchors and teaches you six different paths to anchoring in your safety state and strengthening it as well. You will also get access to meeting with me twice a month in virtual meetups where I will answer any course-related questions that you have along with a small group of fellow students.

When I first learned the Polyvagal Theory and the autonomic aspects of trauma recovery, I got something wrong. I thought that getting unstuck was done all at once. I remember learning from Peter Levine and seeing him work with people. It seemed like they were healing entirely in one moment. His oft-repeated story of Nancy shaking and trembling in session, releasing the trauma that was stuck inside of her. His work with Ray on stage, getting him to slowly open his jaw and allow a trauma release. And a video of working with a baby, gently touching his back and allowing the baby to release its trauma while being held by his Mother (I think someone linked me to that one, can't cite it for you, sorry). Things that seem like miracles. Turns out, Levine was doing some great work, yes. But Nancy and he continued to work on her trauma. And I can't cite it because I didn't note it, but he said in one of his books that he doesn't work with clients in the same way as he did with Nancy afterward. I don't know if he regretted doing the tiger image thing with her, but it's something he took more time with. And the soldier with PTSD, Ray? That wasn't a one-time event on stage either. Ray was in a group in the audience of people that had been through some preliminary work using Somatic Experiencing and had some follow-up meetings with Levine. His traumatized state didn't go away all at once either. I thought my clients were supposed to be going through the full-body trauma releasing shaking and trembling. I thought it was all-or-nothing . But I was not seeing that in my clients for the most part. And the first time I did, the client came back the following week - and although things were different - they said they were still living in a mostly traumatized state. Huh?! Why was this? Why weren't they able to access and stay in their safety state? Why weren't they releasing their trauma? Why did their presenting problems persist?! I'll be honest. I was disappointed in myself. Frustrated and confused and doubting myself. Lots of reasons There's way too many reasons they didn't have a miraculous change. From family context to the path of getting traumatized they went through. From the strength of their vagal brake to their reliance on behavioral adaptations. Lots and lots of reasons. The issue in trauma work is not simply releasing the trauma. I wish it were, but it's not. It's as much an issue of developing the safety pathways, the vagal brake. We need more distress tolerance before releasing trauma. And by the way, "releasing trauma" correlates with one path of trauma - shock trauma. Or an acute life threat reaction. This applies to the person that is immobilized while also ready for flight/fight sympathetic activity; the person stuck in a freeze state. For the individual that is living in a dorsal vagal shutdown, "releasing the trauma" doesn't really apply to them necessarily. For them, it's more about coming out of a dissociative disconnection, then allowing sympathetic activity to return. But recovering from both of these paths of trauma is not done all at once. Releasing a shock trauma is not just a matter of shaking and trembling. And allowing sympathetic energy to return is not a matter of willing it to do so. Although there are indeed lots of reasons why someone may stay stuck in a defensive state, the similarity they will all have is an inability or difficulty with accessing their safety state. Building the safety state is unbelievably important. The Building Safety Anchors course was made for this exact reason. Change is not linear Developing the vagal brake is a gradual process. And it's not a linear one. That means that there will be obstacles along the way. These could be real-life obstacles, like literal safety problems. This could also be internal world obstacles, like chronic illness. I'm more concerned with the obstacles that emerge from your emotions, cognitions, impulses and sensations. As you gain more access to your safety state, what happens is that the stuck defensive state begins to emerge. The natural process of self-regulation begins to happen. For example, as one becomes more grounded in the present moment through anchoring in their senses, their shutdown state will naturally alleviate and then fight energy will enter their system. This shift is different and uncomfortable for people, so they end up going back down their ladder into their shutdown state. Change is not linear. There will be moments that feel like progress and moments that feel like setbacks. This is the normal process of change, as frustrating as that is. Change requires dedication and practice Making change is gradual and that definitely includes developing the vagal brake. The gradual process of increasing distress tolerance is something that needs to be done with a dedicated practice, like through my online course, Building Safety Anchors . With my therapy clients , we're able to access safety in each session, stretch the capacity of their vagal brake through working on defenses and then coming back to safety. And I always give my therapy clients something to work on during the week to continue to strengthen their safety state between sessions. I challenge my clients to further feel into their defensive state as they are ready for it. But by and large, especially in the beginning stages of therapy, building the safety pathways is the primary concern . In session and also between sessions. Therapy is different, I know. The co-regulation of it; being able to work individually with an expert. Much different. The dedicated practice is the commonality I want you to get from that. Be patient with yourself To sum it up, Fellow Stucknaut, I invite you to be as patient with yourself as you can. Change will happen, especially if you're focusing on developing your distress tolerance through a dedicated practice like Building Safety Anchors . Celebrate your wins when you notice them by mindfully feeling the pride or clarity you're opening up. And when you have setbacks, learn from them and re-dedicate yourself to your practice.

Therapists, coaches and "self-healers" ignore one crucial aspect in trauma recovery and it could end up being disastrous and retraumatizing. And that's building the strength of the Polyvagal safety state. The problem The problem is that they skip building the strength of their vagal brake before beginning more direct trauma work. What ends up happening is that therapy clients or "self-healers" in trauma recovery courses are pushed into talking about or thinking about something that they are simply not ready for. Or encouraged to look at their "parts" in some way and the relationship between them. Or their "shadow" or their "ego". All of these pop and unnecessary psych constructs can and probably do contain defensive state activation somewhere beyond the vague and muddled ideas. So the traumatized individual may end up in a Polyvagal defensive state, like flight/fight, shutdown or freeze. There's a good chance that this person is triggered back into the moment of the event(s) that they are trying to get help for in the first place. They are back in the defensive state and are unable to self-regulate into their safety state. They leave the session dysregulated and retraumatized. Their stuck autonomic nervous system state is simply reinforced. This is the problem. The therapist or the recovery course is not intentionally doing so. They may even believe they are doing a "good job." They're getting their clients to confront their past and that's good, right? They're getting their clients to "feel their feelings" or "sit with it"... that's good too, right? Right? No. At least - no... for now . All of these things could potentially be helpful. Confronting, feeling, sitting with... these can be great. Just not before you're ready. The priority in doing trauma work is to maintain your access to your Polyvagal state of safety and social connection. To be anchored in safety. From there, you can actually feel the stuck flight/fight, shutdown or freeze states with openness and curiosity. When anchored in safety, the defensive states change into something different. They will be experienced differently across each of your domains of cognition, emotion, sensation and impulse. A stuck fight sympathetic state won't be experienced as uncontrollable anger. It may instead turn into power and a sense of possibility and motivation. Even if it is experienced as anger, it won't be out of control. Instead, it will be tolerable and you'll be more likely to directly experience it mindfully and with curiosity. When in safety, the immobility of a stuck freeze state is filled with less fear and the potential to actually release the frozen flight/fight energy opens up. Yes, it's possible to develop the strength of your safety pathways and reduce your defensive state on a daily basis. I built a course that is designed to do just that. It's called Building Safety Anchors and it lays the groundwork for future trauma work by building a strong anchor in the safety state. I actually do not recommend the Unstucking Defensive States course - which is all about directly relieving trauma - unless you have a strong anchoring in your safety state. I recommend Building Safety Anchors for that, but ultimately it doesn't matter to me as long as you're somehow developing your vagal brake before more active and direct trauma work, like in UDS. The priority for trauma work is safety You need to be anchored in your state of safety. This means that your biological pathways (ventral vagal) responsible for connection will be active. When these myelinated pathways are active, they will keep your heartbeat at a calmer pace, which keeps the flight/fight potential lower. If the safety pathways are off, then the heart rate goes up and the sympathetic flight/fight state kicks in, resulting in feelings like anxiety and anger, possibly panic or overwhelm. Safety comes first . Then , once anchored in safety, you can turn your attention toward the more difficult experiences you're having. Once you're anchored, then you can delve into your grief, shame, trauma and more. But even while doing the more difficult work, you still need to be checking in with yourself to gauge your capacity to continue. When the defensive energies surface - which they will - they need to be balanced out by safety. It's completely okay for those defensive Polyvagal states and feelings to come up. It's going to happen. But we want to be able to balance it with feelings of safety, like connection, calm, interest, motivation, curiosity and confidence. When safety is not prioritized If safety is not prioritized and the process is rushed, you run the risk of retraumatizing yourself . You might be saying, "Well, I'm always in a defensive state, so what?" Okay, I get it. I can see where you're coming from. My response is this - "If you're retraumatizing yourself, then you're less likely to do what's effective or try something new that might be effective." If you're retraumatizing yourself by going too far and too fast into the trauma, then the context of the retraumatization now will be associated with the trauma. In other words - You'll start associating therapy or self-development with being traumatizing. I've heard from enough of my clients that come to me from bad therapists or misused modalities that this is true. They're kinda on their last attempt at therapy. They've almost had it. Nothing has worked. In fact, this is the sentiment that I am getting when people enter my courses as well. They're nearly completely given up on their self-development; all their attempts have not helped or have made things worse. Like my clients that tell me they simply dissociate and numb out during an EMDR or TFCBT session. Yeah, they told the story. Yeah, they got through it. But they had to go deeply into a defensive state to do so and the practitioner wasn't able to tell. They weren't in their safety state enough to do the trauma work. And I don't blame them. It's not their fault. Like I said at the outset, this is what the vast majority of practitioners miss. Please prioritize safety I'm begging you to prioritize your safety state. I know you want to get unstuck. I know you want it now, too. I know you're tired of waiting and hoping and being let down. Honor those feelings, but also allow some space for anchoring further in your safety state. I made Building Safety Anchors for this exact reason.

Is it too far-fetched to say that every traumatized person wants to live a life that is free of a traumatized state? What every traumatized person wants? No, I don't mean that individual wants to forget their past. In fact, I often hear from my clients that they've gained a new appreciation for how their past affects them today. Not that they like it or wish to relive it. No, not at all. I simply mean that their current state of trauma - of being stuck in a dysregulated defensive state - were not currently stuck. That they have the ability to experience a more well-regulated emotional baseline or that their cognitions were not so extreme. In fact, in my work with therapy clients, when I ask them what they want to change, they usually will say they simply wants a more even baseline. They don't tell me they want unending happiness. They don't want wealth beyond measure. They don't want the perfect relationship. They want to be able to handle life's obstacles in a more well-regulated way. That's it. How to achieve a well-regulated baseline I actually think that a more even baseline can be achieved without directly working on the stuck state. "Waitaminute, Justin... you mean without feeling my feelings? Without sitting with it? Without telling the trauma narrative? Without working on my parts? And my shadows? And my parts' shadows?" I'd say you don't even need to work on your parts' shadows' egos. Nor your parts' shadows' egotistical future self. Okay, enough of that. I feel like I'm writing a Dr. Seuss story. Back to the point - If one is able to increase their vagal brake strength, then the natural outcome of that is more distress tolerance. But that's not what we're going after in this blog. How does one know when they are ready to begin to actively work on their trauma? This is the heart of it. Well, if one is able to have greater distress tolerance and a better-regulated emotional and cognitive baseline, then they are probably close to being ready to work on their stuck traumatized state. (Distress tolerance is developed through developing the safety state and direct trauma work is through directly experiencing stuck defense .) To drill down deeper, there's some key questions you can ask yourself to gauge your readiness. When you think about more directly working on your trauma, how do you feel about that? Do you feel curiosity? Or fear? Do you feel confident? Do you want to? Or not? Are you able to provide yourself with normalization for who you are and how you are? Are you able to validate the feelings and experiences that you have? Would you know when to begin and when to stop the inner trauma work? If these questions bring up thoughts or emotions that are in the more defensive side of things, you might not be ready. If you can feel that defensiveness and allow it and be curious about it, then you might be ready. Having more defensiveness is not a definite sign to not move forward. But it might be an indication that there is more vagal brake strengthening to be done. I want you to be able to strengthen those safety pathways and experience more distress tolerance. I want you to go from defense to safety. From empty to fulfilled. From anxious to calm. And I want you to have this major piece in place before you go to the next step of directly working on your traumatized state. Building Safety Anchors teaches you how to do just that. Desperation brings us to scary places My concern for you and others that are stuck in a traumatized state is how desperate you are to make change. I don't blame you for it. It's okay to want change and it's okay to desperately want change. Desperation can be used as motivation and energy to make big moves in life. This can be both potentially great and potentially disastrous. Being desperate for change is a good sign that you're ready for the next step. But it could also be some surfacing flight/fight sympathetic energy that is out of control. If you're able to feel that intensity and be curious about it, then you might be ready for the next step of directly working on your stuck state. If you're desperate and unable to utilize that intensity, then you might benefit more from further working on your vagal brake, then going to your stuck state. Being in desperation is not a bad thing. But it could lead you to some unwanted outcomes. For now, I'd recommend respecting it, but continually focusing on and prioritizing building your safety state until you know you are ready for the next phase in relieving your trauma.

Don't let dysregulation surprise you. It probably will surprise you though. As you access more of your safety state, you will probably experience some of your stuck state getting unstuck. Which means that your defensive state will come to the forefront. This is normal. And it's okay. We just don't want it to be out of control. Ideally, the defensive state emerges more into your consciousness and you can experience it with curiosity. And not use a behavioral adaptation to make it stop. To do so, you need... you probably know this by now. Yep, you need the safety state to be strong enough. Your vagal brake to be strengthened. If your safety state is not strong enough Your safety state might be strengthened enough for the defensive state to soften in intensity and also for ladder climbing to begin to happen. For example, your shutdown state might alleviate and then fight emerges as you climb the Polyvagal ladder. If your safety state is not strong enough for this climbing, then the fight state will be experienced as anger, irritation and aggression. Flight will be experienced as anxiety and worry, ruminating on some future negative event. Building Safety Anchors is made for just this - developing the strength of your safety state. I know you want to recover from your trauma. To go from numbness to connection. From anxiety to calm. From freeze to safety. Building the safety state is essential in the trauma recovery process and BSA is the only course I am aware of that does that. That's 100% what it focuses on as it builds on the next logical step after learning the Polyvagal Theory. If your safety state is strong enough... ...then you will be able to allow that stuck state to surface and you'll be able to tolerate it. Or you will be able to notice it and then anchor in safety if needed. Or you'll eventually be able to actively feel it with curiosity and allow further ladder climbing to happen. But it won't be experienced as the dysregulated defensive state. It will be experienced as a well-regulated state that is tolerable and that you can mindfully attune to. Fight, for example, will be experienced as power and motivation. My teen client came from her power I had a teen client share how she successfully began to speak to her Mother differently the past week or so before the session. Typically, she would take her Mother's judgmental comments about her weight and shrink inward and feel shame and apologetic. But something started changing and she responded to her Mother our of power and not out of overwhelming anger. Was there anger in her responses? Yeah, but it wasn't out of control. She responded with only the words necessary and provided enough push back, feeling confidence in herself and pride. She didn't get suck in to the Mother's judgment and didn't go into her typical reflexive responses. She actually had capacity to feel her initial triggered response, quickly mull over the words she wanted to use and then deliver them directly and sharply, without being a part of the problem. She event felt enough power to be able to tell her Mother the truth for once, unapologetically - that Mom simply had not been there for her and that is why they had no relationship. That her Mother simply never listened to her and understood her, instead making it about herself. Did the Mom snap out of it and make a miraculous change? Nope. But my client had spoken up from her powerful fight state and put in boundaries and spoke the truth. In the present day, it's not about changing the Mom or anyone else. It's about my client and the changes that she wants to make. On the other hand, this same client recognized when her newfound fight state was dysregulated, like when she would snap at the people in her life that didn't deserve it. She could recognize the difference between power and fight. Between dominance and creating a healthy boundary. The next step for this client? Allow the defensive state activation to be present without judgment, but continue to develop and build the safety state alongside it. Safety is the priority and should be returned to when defensive states become dysregulated. Prioritize your safety state Check out BSA if you are ready for the next step in your trauma relief process. The safety state is imperative, but just know that dysregulation may come along with it. That doesn't indicate something is wrong, it just indicates further safety development is needed to regulate the surfacing defensive state.

Annabelle was ready to know more I was explaining to Annabelle - of my teen clients - about why she was feeling sudden bursts of intense anger and having impulsive thoughts. I doodled a Polyvagal Ladder for her and narrowed in on the mixed state of freeze ( which is different than shutdown ). I described for her what was happening - that the immobilization paralysis of her freeze state was alleviating, leaving her with the now less frozen but intense fight state. But before I explained this concept to her, I could see in her face... something. I paused and asked if she was present enough to take the information in. Annabelle existed in a very shutdown, often dissociative state. She had been through - to put it mildly, severe traumatic incidents. Things she only vaguely alluded to with me and never named or described. She reflected for a moment, and then said, "I have a feeling I'm going to learn something about myself." I smiled with my Polyvagal eye crinkles, and confirmed, that yes, she would. And I asked again if she was present enough and ready to do so. She paused for another moment. And then said, "Yes. I want to know." Fear is a normal part of the process Annabelle had gotten to a point in our work together where she was able to stay anchored enough to be curious about herself. To be curious about the why of her stuck state and how her body was was coming out of it. Things with her didn't start that way. Not by a long shot. At first, she was filled with fear. Any sort of introspection was too much. Even learning the basic idea about how our bodies can be prepared for safety or defense was too much. Fear is the experience of immobilization when prepared to run or fight. If you're in danger and successfully able to run away from it, it won't be experienced as fear. It will be an adrenaline-fueled sprint to safety. If you're immobilized while adrenaline-fueled, then the fear sets in. So when working on your stuck traumatized state, the immobility of fear is going to be a part of that work. Especially if you're in a stuck freeze state. It's going to come up. And it did with Annabelle. At first. Over time, the fear subsided. The immobilization subsided, making space for the fight energy within her to emerge. She got to a point where she could notice a bit of hesitancy in her system as I began to explain to her what was happening within her. That hesitancy used to be fear . But she noticed it, allowed it to be there and stayed anchored in her safety state. It might be too soon If you're filled with fear and triggered at the idea of looking inward and working on your trauma, there's a good chance that it's just not time yet. I work with my therapy clients on their stuck trauma when they are ready to. And that's not until they have the vagal brake strength developed enough to handle the surge of flight/fight energy that comes with relieving trauma. Basically, once their distress tolerance is high enough. Instead, it might be a good idea to work on the strength of your safety state. This is how I work with my therapy clients and what I recommend to others. Once the safety state is strengthened, then you will be able to work on the trauma more directly. If this is you, I created a course for you. It's called Building Safety Anchors and teaches you everything you need to know to build on your Polyvagal Theory knowledge and build the strength of your vagal brake. It's the middle phase of my larger Polyvagal Trauma Relief System and a necessary component of trauma recovery that is misunderstood or ignored. Even better, Building Safety Anchors is included in the Total Access Membership .

Story time! I'm going to share a quick story, then connect it to fear. Then share three quick tips to reduce fear. I did a Polyvagal presentation for police. I was with Mercedes (one-time co-host and best friend of the podcast) and we were teaching about the defensive states and how they might be felt as anxiousness or anger or depression. They balked at the idea of being in a defensive state. "You're either made for this job or you're not!" they said. Mercedes and I love the challenge and pushed them. "You've never experienced panic on the job? You never get scared? You're not worried about your safety?" "No," one of them said. He was a higher-up (sergeant maybe?). "I can honestly say that I don't get scared. When I'm activated for a call, I'm focused and ready. I can't stop to have any feelings because that might cost me my life." And that makes sense, right? We know that when sympathetically activated, as long as one can use the flight/fight energy, then fear doesn't settle in. There is indeed more focus. There is more quick decision-making. Okay. (I think I was more disturbed by the cop saying that he was "activated for a call," but that's a discussion for another day, I suppose.) That officer went on to explain the only time that he did feel fear. He said the only time he felt fear was when he was "activated for a call" and then sitting in his police car, waiting for the parking lot gate to open. Then he would begin to think about what could go wrong and how he may not make it it intact. Yes, you read that right. Sitting in his car. Waiting for the gate to open. But why would that trigger fear? Because he was immobilized while in flight/fight. He was expressing how the adrenaline in his system was immobilized. He couldn't advance to where he was needed. He was primed for duty and stuck behind a slow-moving gate. Once immobilized while charged, he felt fear. And then his story followed his state and he thought of what could go wrong. I share this as another example, to build on the last blog , of how fear works. And how closely connected it is with the immobilization of freeze. 3 tips to reduce fear before Stucknauting 1. Develop your safety state - your vagal brake must be strengthened before delving into your stuck defensive state. Before you attempt to go into the immobilization of freeze. Through developing the vagal brake, the intensity of the fear will reduce and open up the possibility of thawing the freeze state. Building Safety Anchors is designed for exactly this purpose. 2. Use your safety anchors - you should know what grounds you in safety and do them ahead of time. Make sure your active and passive safety cues are ready to roll before putting on that Stucknaut helmet. 3. Give yourself top-down safety anchors beforehand - Besides your active and passive safety cues you've established, give yourself some top-down cognitions to further anchor in safety. Things like, "I deserve to live a life with more safety" or "I can handle this, I believe in myself" or "If I need to stop, I know how to do so and I am allowed to." I of course teach much more in depth about all of this in my course, Unstucking Defensive States . You can find out more about the course by clicking the link below.

I get frustrated Something that I find frustrating - though understandable - is when people wait for things to be at their worst and then demand to know what to do about it. The parent that has their kid hitting them while swearing and screaming in their face and breaking things in the house. They wait until this moment to demand, "So what do I do now?!" Or the teachers I work with that are wrangling a classroom full of dysregulated kids that are spitting spitwads across the classroom at each other. (Not really, the spitwads of today are fake Instagram accounts to bully someone else.) The teachers demands, "What am I supposed to do now?!" Again, I understand. These aren't bad questions. I'm glad the parent and the teacher want to know. And I'm glad my clients are seeking to learn how to handle their panic attack better the next time. But the real work needs to be done before the crisis. Please please please don't wait When it comes to unstucking , to getting actual relief from your stuck Polyvagal defensive state, please don't wait until you're in a crisis moment. To get relief from your trauma, you don't need to delve into the pain. Into the stuck state. You can get noticeable relief from anchoring in safety and building the strength of your vagal brake. To get further relief; to truly get unstuck more and more, then yes, you will need to delve into the stuck state. Into its emotions, thoughts, sensations and impulses. So it kinda needs to happen, I just don't want you to wait until you're deep in a crisis. You shouldn't be at the point of desperation and then ask, "Well, how do I feel my feelings?!" That wouldn't be the time. That's the time to do some crisis management - coping or grounding stuff. Not deep Stucknaut exploration into the defensive state you're in. Instead, you need to be Stucknauting when you're capable of doing so. By now, you should have a good amount of distress tolerance. Your vagal brake should be strong enough to withstand the intensity of a stuck state emerging. If not, then you're probably not ready for this next step of directly working on your stuck state. This is when to start Start Stucknauting when you're grounded in your safety state and curious. Start when you're open to what you might learn from your inner world. Start when you're able to tolerate the defensive state that is going to emerge. You'll be able to gauge your readiness to start by using simple self-assessments. Like a 0-5 scale, something I do with my therapy clients. You should know what a safety level of 5/5 feels like versus 0/5 for yourself. If so, then you can gauge your level of safety. If you know that you're anchored well enough at a 3/5, then you're ready to start more directly experiencing your stuck defensive state. If you're ready to start working directly on your trauma, then Unstucking Defensive States is for you. If you need to work on your safety state and distress tolerance first, then Building Safety Anchors is the way to go.