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I think the way you understand and approach emotional regulation  is wrong. And not just you, but also the people who raised you, your friends, your classmates, your boss, your coworkers—pretty much everybody. I know that’s a bold claim, but I’m going to explain why, point you in the right direction, and give you specific things you can do for better emotional regulation  starting today. The Common Misunderstanding of Emotional Regulation So, what's the common wisdom when it comes to understanding and regulating our emotions ? Typically, we don't give it much consideration at all! When we do consider our emotions, we tend to describe them as problems that need to go away (unless they feel good, of course). We might describe emotions as a "chemical imbalance" (a hypothesis that’s debunked at this point). Or, we believe our emotions are simply the result of our thoughts—if we could just think  differently, we’d feel  better. Entire cognitive-based therapies and coaching programs are grounded in this idea, relying on changing cognitions to change emotions. We also tend to view emotions as something that happens to  us, like a virus or an affliction, or even a disorder we fall victim to. They're often seen as a sign of weakness, a lack of control, or irrationality, sometimes lumped into "positive" and "negative" categories. We also tend to view emotions as an individual burden rather than an accumulation of life context involving many people. And I think all of these common ways of viewing emotions are wrong. Not only do we understand our emotions incorrectly, we also manage them incorrectly. Five Common Ways We Avoid True Emotional Regulation How do most people deal  with their emotions? Or, more accurately, how do they avoid  dealing with them? I'll bet you do at least one of these five things: Resisting Your Emotions:  This involves suppressing them, pushing them down, or trying not to think about them. Resistance can look like "shoulding" yourself ("I shouldn't feel this way") or questioning ("Why do I feel this way? What's wrong with me?"). It can also be arguing with the emotion, using logic to make it disappear, or aggressively telling it to go away. Ignoring Your Emotions Through Distraction:  This includes doom scrolling, binge-eating, excessive partying, watching too much TV, and other activities that divert your attention. Minimizing your emotions, convincing yourself "it's not a big deal," or downplaying them also falls into this category. Behavioral Adaptations to Cope:  These are actions we take to manage emotions we struggle to feel. Beyond the distractions mentioned, this can include addictions, oversleeping, or any behavior to numb or keep our minds off our emotions—even lashing out at others. Intellectualizing Your Emotions:  Rather than feeling  them, you explain them, categorize them, and analyze them. It’s all in your head, not in your body. Seeking Perpetual External Validation:  This kinda acknowledges your emotions but relies unendingly on others to validate them. While support is good, relying on constant external validation prevents actual emotional regulation. These avoidance strategies are common, and most of us engage in at least a few of them. But they don't lead to sustainable emotional regulation. The Core Problem: Why Typical Emotional Regulation Attempts Fail We have two main problems regarding emotional regulation: Understanding:  You understand emotions incorrectly. Misunderstanding is a top-down, cognitive issue. Management:  How you manage your emotions is also incorrect. Mismanagement is a behavioral issue. You can make changes in either thoughts or behaviors and see some  benefit, sure. But, personally, I believe addressing our thoughts and behaviors is the least effective and least sustainable path to lasting emotional regulation . Think of it like this: trying to change your emotions by changing your thoughts is like trying to change the smoke to stop a fire. Obviously, the smoke is a problem, but it's not the  problem. Even if we could somehow channel all the smoke out one window, the fire is still raging. That's why it's so difficult to truly change emotions by focusing solely on thoughts or behaviors—the "fire" of the emotion remains, festering and growing. Clients intuitively know this, and I'll assume you do too. While you can  see change through altering thoughts and behaviors, I recommend a third option. This approach leads to sustainable changes in emotional regulation that don't rely on behavioral coping or trying to change the way you think. The Body-Based Approach: Emotions as Bodily Experiences Our emotions aren't just a way of thinking, and they aren't just a way of behaving. I argue that our thoughts and behaviors are a result of  our emotions. Yes, they affect and reinforce each other, but emotion seems to be the driving force. Basically, if our emotions change, so do our thoughts and behaviors. When you're relaxed, you're not ruminating about what someone said at work, right? And when you're joyful, you're way less likely to engage in doom scrolling. Emotional regulation truly begins when we understand emotions differently. Emotions are something that exists in our bodies. We can feel them. We can identify where they come from in our body and also what they need. For example, when we feel angry, it's not just a state of being in the brain; it permeates our entire being. We feel more energized, heat, maybe tension. If you pay attention, you'll probably notice shorter breathing into the chest—a lot of action happens with anger in the chest and upper body. Not only can you feel the emotion and where it lives in the body, but it's possible to identify what the emotion wants to do . (When I say "what the emotion wants to do," I really mean what your body wants to do.) What you identify as an emotion is actually the conscious experience of some sort of activation in your body. When your sympathetic fight system is active, for example, your body shifts its processes to prioritize aggression. You feel this as the emotion of anger. But underneath the anger emotion is the body's state of sympathetic fight activation. The Polyvagal Theory teaches us that the state of the body drives the emotion. The state of the body is the primary factor. If you can change your body's state, then your emotions change. And so do your thoughts and your behaviors as well. Changing the state of the body is key to true emotional regulation . How to Shift Your Emotions by Changing Your Body State So, how do you change your emotions through changing your body state for better emotional regulation? I'm not saying it's easy, but I can explain how to do it. I'll tell you the same thing I tell my clients and Unstucking Academy students. And I'll assume you think it's "weird" or "different," just like they do initially. I tell them they need to actually pay attention to how they feel and stop rejecting, explaining, or minimizing. You need to pay attention to your emotions. It's weird and different, I know. When we pay attention to our emotions, it becomes a portal to change our state. As our state changes, the emotions soften or can even resolve. To change your state, you need to connect with the experience of your body mindfully. Use your emotions as a portal to connect with your body's state. If we use the anger example again, you would mindfully connect with the body's experience of anger. You would give it permission to be there. After permitting the anger, you would then direct your attention to the present-moment experience of anger and how it shows up in your body. The goal is not to get rid of the anger (or other emotions) . The goal is to connect with the anger. When you connect with the anger, it allows your body to self-regulate. In other words, it opens the potential for your body's state to shift, leading to more effective emotional regulation. I know you're likely assuming it'll get worse if you pay attention to your emotions. That's a common concern. But no, things don't need to get worse. The essential piece of this is to only begin paying attention to your emotions when you have a sense of grounding in the present moment.  You'll know you're grounded when you feel a sense of connection with yourself, perhaps with others, or with your environment. You'll be in tune with your senses. You'll be curious about what's happening internally. This sense of groundedness stems from your body's state of safety—your body's built-in safety system, which utilizes the ventral vagal pathways in your brainstem. That's what helps you to feel grounded and connected. When your brainstem detects that it's safe, it will shift your body state toward the ventral vagal safety state. It's totally okay to retain and marinate in this safety state when you access it and aren't ready to challenge it. But when you get there, it's the perfect opportunity to mindfully connect with your other emotions like anger, anxiety, or even depression. Another key thing is to ensure you are maintaining access to your safety state when you get there, especially if you're going to challenge it by feeling something uncomfortable. While mindfully connecting with something like anger, you always want to check on your breath. Take an extended exhale here and there. Maybe have a fidget to connect with. And use cues of safety around you, like silence or music, a soft texture, or even a scent you like, like a candle. As you practice this skill, you'll strengthen your body's safety state. As those ventral vagal pathways strengthen, your other emotions—the uncomfortable ones—will soften and even release. This is the path to sustainable emotional regulation . It's possible to see benefits from even one of these exercises, but the real benefits come from a proactive practice, just like building any other skill or strength. Practical Steps to Start Your Emotional Regulation Journey Today What I've described might feel like a lot, and that's normal and okay. But we need to start somewhere. I find the best place to start is trying to get in touch with your body's safety state. Even small moments can have a big, big impact on your capacity for emotional regulation . Here are two easy ways to start connecting with your ventral vagal safety state: Do something you enjoy, like eating a blueberry, smelling a candle, or touching a certain blanket. But—don't just do  the thing you like. Notice how it feels. Notice how it affects your body. What happens in your breathing? What happens in your muscles? Are they more tense or more relaxed? Practice extending your exhale in one mindful and intentional breath. Take in one breath, let it out slowly, focusing on the way your body feels as you exhale. These two little ideas don't solve every emotional problem you have, but they help you get in touch with your body's potential for safety. And they do  start the process of building more safety within your system, which is crucial for effective emotional regulation. Your Next Steps Thanks for reading! I hope this blog has helped you think about your emotions differently and given you a couple of ideas on what you can do differently for improved emotional regulation , even starting today. I have another next step for you, and it's free. It's called Your Next Steps , a free course in the Untucking Academy. It collects my essential podcast episodes that I think you should start with to learn the Polyvagal Theory foundational knowledge. Learning the Theory helps you lay a strong base to continue building on. Click here to begin Your Next Steps > Q&A from this Blog What is the common misunderstanding about emotional regulation? The common misunderstanding is that emotions are problems to be eliminated, often incorrectly attributed to a "chemical imbalance" or seen as a direct result of our thoughts. This leads to managing them incorrectly through avoidance and suppression. Why do typical attempts at emotional regulation often fail? They fail because they focus on changing thoughts or behaviors, which are like the "smoke," rather than addressing the underlying bodily state, which is the "fire." This approach isn't sustainable because the root cause isn't addressed. What is the body-based approach to emotional regulation? This approach understands that emotions are experiences that exist and can be felt in the body. It posits that the state of our body is the primary driver of our emotions. Therefore, to change your emotions, you must first change your body's state. Takeaway Quotes from this Blog Trying to change your emotions by changing your thoughts is like trying to change the smoke to stop a fire. Obviously, the smoke is a problem, but it's not the problem. The goal is not to get rid of the anger (or other emotions). The goal is to connect with the anger. When you connect with the anger, it allows your body to self-regulate. This sense of groundedness stems from your body's state of safety—your body's built-in safety system, which utilizes the ventral vagal pathways in your brainstem. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken  podcast and authored the Stuck Not Broken  book series. Justin is passionate about the Polyvagal Theory and proudly serves on the Polyvagal Institute 's Editorial Board. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

Recently, I received a thoughtful question from a listener named Katie. She asked about the relationship between shame and anger, and how to work with these emotions in a way that aligns with Polyvagal Theory, especially regarding building safety in trauma recovery . More specifically, she was wondering if the recommendation from a psychology teacher is Polyvagal-informed or not... Here's the core of her question: Is it possible to pendulate between dorsal vagal and sympathetic states? Can We Pendulat e Between Dorsal Vagal and Sympathetic States? Let’s pause here and define these terms in very simple, one-dimensional terms: Dorsal Vagal State: This corresponds with "shutdown." It’s a limp collapse ( as opposed to freeze) , often described as playing dead. Our body enters this state when it perceives a life-threatening scenario, and neither fight nor flight is effective or possible. Sympathetic State: This includes the "flight and fight" responses. Here, we mobilize energy to either run away or become aggressive to deal with a danger. Katie continued with the context for her question: I ask because one of your teachers (who’s not working in a Polyvagal Theory framework) suggested that anger is the most powerful antidote to shame, and they suggested an exercise in which one would move back and forth between the feeling of shame and the feeling of anger so the two feelings could ‘touch.' The Problem with Pend ulating Bet ween Shame and Anger Without Safety This suggestion from Katie’s teacher is concerning to me. Here’s why: When therapists, coaches, or anyone in the wellness sphere offers advice, they are (hopefully) coming from a well-regulated place. They have empathy, compassion, healthy boundaries, and critical thinking skills. They can look at a problem and say, "Well, I can feel into my shame and collapse, and handle both of those things, perhaps even making them 'touch.'" The problem is that our clients, or individuals seeking help, are often not in a well-regulated place . That’s why they’re seeking support. If someone comes in lacking self-regulation skills, asking them to dive into difficult states without sufficient groundwork is not realistic. This highlights a crucial point in building safety in trauma recovery: the individual's current capacity for regulation must always be considered to avoid retraumatization. To ask someone to do a really difficult skill like pendulation —especially between two very difficult experiences like shame and anger—is not realistic and, likely, dysregulating or re-traumatizing. The teacher's recommendation overlooks the fundamental step of building safety in trauma recovery  before engaging with intense emotions. What I s Pendula tion—Really? Pendulation involves gently shifting between a felt sense of safety and a manageable state of defensive activation. The key is that you only explore difficult emotions when you’re anchored in a strong sense of safety. Key tips for pendulating successfully: Start Pendulation with Safety: Before exploring shame, anger, or shutdown, anchor yourself in safety. Explore Defensive Activation Gradually: Once you’re anchored in safety, you can gently notice whatever defensive state is most present. If you can handle that, then you can permit deeper held defensive activation as your safety state allows. Return to Safety as Needed: If you start to feel overwhelmed, simply return to your safety anchor. The process is slow and titrated , not forced. Asking someone to pendulate between shame and shutdown without first having that anchoring in safety is not realistic. While it might work for a well-regulated individual who can tolerate that level of activation, for someone in a dysregulated, traumatized state, it's not advisable. Shame may be the most difficut emotion to feel into. It's held deeply in the body and will connect with other highly difficult emotions, like: alone rejected abandoned worthless digust Why “Anger as an An tidote to Shame” Ca n Be Misleading Katie mentioned her teacher suggested starting with anger, then calling up shame, then moving back and forth. She then shared her experience: I’ve been trying unsuccessfully to do this exercise. And I’m wondering how to explain what might not be working for me in terms of the autonomic nervous system. I can call upon anger, but moving from that into shame feels like such a downregulation that I can’t hang on to any of the anger while in a shame state. Katie, your experience is completely understandable, and it's not because you are broken or defective. This is a very tall order for anyone . In part, due to the difficulty of feeling shame. But also, due to the lack of safety activation. Anger vs Empowerment There’s a significant difference between raw anger and empowerment . When we are simply angry, we are often not curious, self-compassionate, or even aware of our underlying safety (or lack thereof). This kind of anger is dysregulated and doesn't foster self-reflection or healing. However, when we have an anchoring in safety first , and then welcome some anger, and pendulate between the two, something transformative happens: it turns into empowerment . This empowered mixed state, while it may have a bit of fight activation, is deeply anchored in safety. This state is huge for setting and enforcing healthy boundaries. It opens up skills like: Say “no” clearly and confidently. Have clear and positive expectations for yourself and others. Speak up for yourself effectively. From this empowered state, you might be able to gently approach shame, but the integral piece is the safety activation that balances and transforms the anger. Perhaps this is what the teacher was referring to? A Polyvaga l-Informed Approach to S hame, Angerm and Building Safety in Trauma Recovery If you're willing to help me reframe the trouble I'm having with this exercise in Polyvagal terms, I'd be grateful. Or is there a more Polyvagal informed version of working specifically with anger and shame that you might suggest? The Polyvagal-informed piece of this problem is to ensure a strong anchoring in the safety state first and foremost. The safety state will dictate how much one can handle. As one loses access to safety, defensive activation increases. At that point, I recommend pausing the exercise and re-anchoring into safety again. Pendulation isn't a Polyvagal-specific technique. It's something I use extensibely within the Unstucking Academy , but it's also a component of Somatic Experiencing and other methods, I'm sure. I know people want to feel into and relieve their stuck defensive states, but the priority is starting in safety, ending in safety, and maintaining safety while pendulating. This is crucial to avoid dysregulation and retraumatization. If your safety state comes offline, your body can feel like it's back in a very scary moment from the past, or it can experience a whole new level of dysregulation in the present, which is not helpful and will likely dissuade you from trying again. Pendulation, in the Unstucking Academy, is an advanced skill . Before someone is ready for pendulation, I recommend they be able to: Anchor into safety. Validate their experience. Normalize what they’re going through. Engage in "imagery and invitation" (a way to gently approach difficult sensations). Balance defensive activation. Identify "obstacles" as they surface Maintain their safety state through the above. From a well-regulated place, it’s easy to say, "Just do this skill" or "Feel into your anger and shame." But for clients, remember that many people are starting from zero, or even undoing unhelpful past learnings. The goal is small, incremental steps. The Unstucking Academy We do things differently in the Unstucking Academy. The Academy is a small community, limited to 150 people, as I want to maintain a cozy and personal atmosphere. It’s designed for the layperson—for anyone who is really tired of the psychobabble and woo-woo and just wants to get unstuck. Instead of a mountain of courses to figure out, there’s one clear Pathway . This Pathway takes you from learning Polyvagal Theory very simply to advanced practices like pendulation, but always in small, digestible steps. Short, Actionable Lessons: Video lessons are often under 10 minutes each, making them easy to absorb without feeling overwhelmed. Micro Mindfulness Practices: We focus on small, practical applications. Guided Practice to Mastery: It's not just "here's a lesson, good luck." Each lesson is followed by light practice, then guided practice with me, and finally, the opportunity to try it on your own. If you’re not ready, you go back to the guided practice until you master the skill. Takeaway Quotes from this Blog If someone comes [to therapy] lacking self-regulation skills, lacking a history of co-regulation, or lacking the abili ty to look inward and be curious about their feelings, asking them to feel into their shutdown state, and talk about or think about their shame is not realistic. It is potentially retraumatizing. Pendulation involves gently shifting between a felt sense of safety and a manageable state of defensive activation. The key is that you only explore difficult emotions when you’re anchored in a strong sense of safety. ...ensure a strong anchoring in the safety state first and foremost. The safety state will dictate how much one can handle. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken  podcast and authored the Stuck Not Broken  book series. Justin is passionate about the Polyvagal Theory and proudly serves on the Polyvagal Institute 's Editorial Board. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

A response to a viewer's question about TRE exercises and finding a gentler path to trauma recovery Recently, I received a thoughtful question from a viewer that highlights a common challenge in trauma recovery and self-development. They shared their experience with TRE (Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises) and how it led them from fight-or-flight into numbness, leaving them wondering how to navigate their healing journey. This question addresses a common issue I frequently hear from new clients, Unstucking Academy students, and my audience:  they're pursuing a prescribed method in trauma recovery and self-development. And I don't blame them. Of course, they want the thing! They want the hack! While many approaches offer specific movements or techniques, I want to share a different perspective—one rooted in Polyvagal Theory and the wisdom of your own body. Disclaimer: This content is educational and not intended to replace professional therapy or medical advice. When TRE Exercises Stop Working: Understanding What Went Wrong The viewer, whom I'll call "Z," described living in fight-or-flight with severe anxiety and depersonalization/derealization (DPDR). After doing "excessive TRE exercises," they now feel numb, with no more anxiety but a "weird" feeling in their head. They're asking how to get back to fight-or-flight so they can use relaxation techniques again. This experience illustrates something important about trauma recovery and prescribed methods: the method may not align with your Polyvagal state. The Polyvagal Theory Explanation: Why Prescribed Exercises Can Backfire From a Polyvagal Theory standpoint, this situation could describe both sympathetic activation (fight-or-flight) and dorsal vagal shutdown happening simultaneously. The DPDR suggests significant shutdown or freeze states, as dissociation comes from these immobilized states. ( Freeze is different than shutdown , btw.) When someone has both fight-or-flight and shutdown active, they might: alternate between the two states experience a freeze state (mobilized energy that's immobilized) feel chronic underlying rage, overwhelm, panic, or intense anxiety that never fully resolves If one is pushing themselves too hard, regardless of the method, it could potentially result in dysregulation and re-traumatization. Dysregulation can look like: re-experiencing a specific traumatic incident through a flashback. falling further down the Polyvagal ladder , like from sympathetic to shutdown triggering a mixed state of freeze (flight/fight + shutdown) Why Prescribed Trauma Exercises Don't Work for Everyone My approach to trauma recovery without prescribed exercises differs fundamentally from methods like TRE. Here's why: 1. One Size D oesn' t Fit All Nervous Systems Rather than looking at trauma as something to resolve through prescribed movements, I believe we need to: first build lots and lots of safety gently feel into our stuck defenses a little at a time allow the body to move naturally if and when it wants to Q: Why did my TRE exercises make me feel worse instead of better? A:  If one is pushing themselves too hard, regardless of the method, it could potentially result in dysregulation and re-traumatization. One needs to listen to their body ultimately and what it can handle. 2. Your Body Knows What It Needs In my live skills practices at the Unstucking Academy , I don't tell people how to move. Instead, we: anchor into safety first mindfully feel into stuck defensive activation ask the body what would feel good move in whatever way feels right I've seen participants stretch, make swimming motions, or grab and squeeze pillows—movements I could never predict because each person's body has its own wisdom. I don't know more than your body does. 3. State-Specific R esponse s Matter Someone in shutdown needs very different support than someone in fight-or-flight: For Shutdown Stat es: very small, gentle movements (if any) focus on mindfully connecting with the shutdown rather than trying to escape it allow self-regulation to happen naturally with safety as the foundation For Fight-or-Flight S tates: more capacity for movement, but often with tension less playfulness and more skepticism ("This won't work for me") need for mindful awareness of present-moment experience over completing movements For Freeze Sta tes: mobile energy that's immobilized—like having your foot on both the gas and brake risk of being triggered deeper into shutdown need for extremely careful, titrated approach to avoid "spinning out" Q: How do I know what my nervous system actually needs? It will tell you! Anchor yourself in safety first, mindfully experience your internal world, and then act on what it needs. 🚩 Signs a trauma exercise might not be right for your current state: No matter what prescriptive methodology you're using, I recommend keeping an eye out for obvious signs of dysregulatuion: increased numbness or dissociation feeling panic, rage, overwhelm losing mindful connection with your breath intrusive thoughts (flashbacks, judgment, shame, etc.) Building Safety: The Missing Foundation in Trauma Recovery This is the piece I think people know but skip over. Everyone wants the technique , the exercise , the movement , the breathing method —something to help them quickly get out of their current state. But there's no hack. There's no shortcut. The safety state is the foundation for everything. The stronger your safety state, the more capacity you'll have for the difficult work of mindfully feeling and releasing stuck defensive energy. A Body-Wisdom Approach to Trauma Recovery Without Prescribed Exercises Instead of prescribed exercises, here's how I work with trauma recovery: Step 1. Connect with Your Current State (Don't Try to Escape It) Rather than trying to get back to fight-or-flight (as Z asked), I suggest: Let's connect with whatever's happening in your body right now. If your body's ready to move to fight-or-flight, it will. Step 2. Focus on Experience, Not Completing Movements If I were guiding someone through any movement ( or breath exercise ), I'd be more concerned with: What's the experience of the movement in the present moment? What thoughts or feelings arise? What does the body actually want? As soon as someone thinks, "This is stupid" or "This doesn't work for me," that's far more important than completing any prescribed movement. I would then guide them to be curious about the present-moment emotions that drive their thoughts. Step 3. Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel It's totally okay to: not be content with where you're at want to get into sympathetic activation if you're in shutdown desire more safety in your life But you can't truly move up the Polyvagal ladder until you've mindfully connected with what you have in the present moment—even if that's collapse, numbness, or shutdown. Gentle Next Steps for Trauma Recovery Without Rigid Protocols If you're resonating with this approach to trauma recovery without prescribed exercises, here are some gentle next steps: 1. Prioritize daily safety practices (even small ones) 2. Practice mindful awareness of your current state without trying to change it 3. Trust your body's wisdom over external prescriptions 4. Seek support that honors your individual nervous system needs The Unstucking Academy : Trauma Recovery That Honors Your Nervous System The approach I've described is fundamentally different from many trauma recovery methods. In the Unstucking Academy , I don't offer quick fixes or prescribed solutions. That's not realistic, you and I both know it. Instead, I provide: a small, intimate community (limited to 150 people) The Unstucking Pathway: a comprehensive journey from learning Polyvagal Theory to mastering skill s like pendulation and balancing, which lead to sustainable self-regulation live practices that honor individual nervous system needs lessons under 10 minutes with practical, daily steps designed to reduce overwhelm Q: What if I feel impatient with this gentler approach? That's fine. I'd recommend anchoring into safety, then mindfully connecting with the felt experience of impatience. If you can listen deeply enough to your body's needs, it will tell you what it needs to do with the impatience experience. Your Next Gentle Step Forward To Z and anyone else struggling with the aftermath of prescribed trauma exercises: your experience is valid, and there are gentler paths forward. Trauma recovery without prescribed exercises isn't about finding the "right" technique—it's about building safety, honoring your current state, and trusting your body's innate wisdom to heal. The journey may be longer than we'd like, but it's also more sustainable and honoring of your unique nervous system. Your body knows how to heal; sometimes it just needs the right conditions of safety and mindful presence to do so. If you're interested in learning more about this approach, you can explore the Unstucking Academy at stucknotbroken.com/UnstuckingAcademy . Remember, healing happens in relationship—both with others and with your own body's wisdom. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast  and authored the Stuck Not Broken book series . Justin is passionate about the Polyvagal Theory and proudly serves on the Polyvagal Institute 's Editorial Board. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

As a therapist and coach, I frequently get questions about breathwork and self-regulation. Recently, a YouTube viewer asked about "Polyvagal rebel breath" and how to use breathing when "traversing difficult experiences." While I'm not familiar with that specific technique (and honestly, I'm skeptical of most breathing "hacks"), I can share what actually works in my practice with clients and in the Unstucking Academy. If you're tired of complicated breathing protocols and want a straightforward, body-centered approach to self-regulation, this article is for you. Stuck Not Broken podcast video The Problem with Prescribed Breathwork for Self-Regulation Techniques Here's my honest take: I prefer that people allow their body to breathe the way it needs to breathe.   Most prescribed breathing techniques—such as counting breaths, holding for specific seconds, or following rigid in-and-out patterns—add an unnecessary layer of cognitive interference. When your goal is to connect with your internal experience and practice self-regulation, these mental gymnastics can actually pull you away from your body and into your head. Think about it: If you're busy counting "breathe in for 4, hold for 7, out for 8," you're not really present with what's happening inside you. You're evaluating whether you're "doing it right" instead of being curious about what's naturally arising. When Structured Breathing Makes Sense Don't get me wrong—there's a place for structured breathing techniques. If someone is in a highly activated state and needs containment as a coping skill, counting breaths can be helpful. But that's different from mindful self-regulation. The key distinction is this: Coping skills help you manage overwhelming activation in the moment Self-regulation skills help you build long-term capacity to stay present with difficult experiences and actually get unstuck Both have their place, but they serve different purposes. Simple Breathwork for Self-Regulation: One Intentional Breath In the Unstucking Academy teachings or when I guide people through self-regulation practices in my client work, I'll often use one intentional breath. This isn't a complex protocol—it's simply: Take in a bigger breath than your previous one Let it out slowly if you can This one intentional breath acts as an anchoring point to return to safety and check in with the body in the present moment. That's it. No counting, no holding, no imagery. This single intentional breath serves as a way to: balance defensive activation when it gets too intense bring awareness back to the body re-anchor in your safety state before continuing The Polyvagal Foundation: Safety First, Always My approach is grounded in Polyvagal Theory , which teaches us that healing happens when we can access our safety state (ventral vagal) while mindfully exploring defensive states like fight/flight or shutdown. Here's the process I guide people through: Anchor in safety first - Connect with what safety feels like in your body at a deep level Mindfully explore defensive activation - Only as much as your safety state allows Stay curious about what arises - Notice sensations, emotions, and impulses without judgment Use breath as a gentle anchor, not as a forced intervention The goal isn't to eliminate defensive states but to build your capacity to stay present with them while maintaining access to safety. Trust Your Body's Wisdom Your body knows how much oxygen it needs, so let it breathe the way it needs to breathe. This might sound too simple... and yeah, you're right, it is. Your nervous system constantly adjusts your breathing in response to your internal state and needs. When you override this natural process with artificial counting or patterns, you're essentially telling your body you don't trust its wisdom. Instead of fighting your natural breath, become curious about it: is it shallow or deep? fast or slow? where do you feel it in your body? what sensations arise as you simply observe? Practical Steps for Breath-Centered Self-Regulation If you want to try this approach, here's a simple framework: 1. Find Your Safety Anchor Before exploring difficult emotions or sensations, connect with something that helps you feel safe. This could be: a physical sensation of groundedness, like your feet on the floor a comforting memory connecting mindfully with a passive safety cue (we practice this one extensively in the Unstucking Academy through live Skills Practices and meditations) 2. Notice Your Natural Breath Without making any changes, observe how your body naturally breathes in the present moment. There's no right or wrong way—just curiosity about what's present. 3. Use One Intentional Breath When Needed If you notice defensive activation getting too intense (anxiety, overwhelm, shutdown), take one deeper breath and let it out slowly. This isn't about following a formula—it's about giving yourself a moment to re-anchor in safety. 4. Stay Present with What Arises As you breathe naturally, notice what comes up: emotions cognitions sensations impulses The key is maintaining curious awareness rather than trying to change or fix anything. (Curious awareness comes from anchoring into safety, so always prioritize this.) 5. Respect Your Limits If defensive activation becomes too much, pause the practice. Return to your safety anchor, take that one intentional breath, and permit yourself to stop if needed. Why This Approach Works: The Science of Safety This method aligns with what we know about trauma recovery and nervous system regulation. When we're stuck in defensive states, our capacity for self-regulation is compromised. Building what's called the "vagal brake"—your ability to return to safety and social engagement—requires: consistently connecting with your safety state gradual exposure to defensive states, even stuck defense ("trauma") respect for your current capacity, listening to what is enough or too much It's not about quick fixes or breathing hacks. It's about developing a sustainable relationship with your internal experience. The Unstucking Academy Difference At the Unstucking Academy , we do things differently. There are no complicated protocols, no "activations," no psychobabble or woo-woo techniques. We focus on: Small steps and skill mastery  - You don't move to advanced techniques until you've mastered the basics (and I will walk you through all of them) Present-moment awareness  - Connecting with what's actually here rather than what we think should be here Simplified but not easy  - The approach is straightforward, but building self-regulation skills takes practice and patience One clear pathway  - Instead of overwhelming you with a mountain of courses, the Academy provides a step-by-step system to get unstuck, from learning the Polyvagal Theory to building safety to getting unstuck - it's called the Unstucking Pathway . The Unstucking Pathway guides you through learning Polyvagal Theory, building your safety state, and developing self-regulation skills one at a time, with mastery at each level before moving forward. Common Mistakes to Avoid Based on my work with clients, here are the most common pitfalls with breathwork: 1. Making It Too Complicated If you're worried about whether you're "doing it right," you're probably overthinking it. Breathwork for self-regulation should feel natural, not stressful. 2. Forcing Change Your breath reflects your current state. Instead of trying to force it to be different, get curious about what it's telling you. 3. Ignoring Your Safety State Never push through overwhelming activation just because you think you "should" be able to handle it. Respect your limits and prioritize safety. 4. Expecting Quick Results Building self-regulation capacity is a gradual process. Be patient with yourself and trust the journey. Moving Forward: Building Real Self-Regulation Skills If this approach resonates with you, remember that sustainable self-regulation isn't built overnight. It requires: consistent practice  in small, manageable doses patience  with your current capacity curiosity  about your internal experience trust  in your body's natural wisdom support  from others who understand truly trauma-informed approaches The goal isn't to eliminate difficult emotions or sensations but to build your capacity to stay present with them while maintaining access to safety and connection. Frequently Asked Questions About Breath & Self-Regulation Q: What if I feel more anxious when I focus on my natural breathing? This is completely normal. If observing your breath increases anxiety, it might mean you're in a defensive state. Return to your safety anchor first, then try again when you feel more grounded. Q: How long should I practice this breathing approach? It's better to have a brief, mindful experience with one breath than build frustration through not following a prescribed breathing technique correctly. Q: What if I can't find my "safety state"? Finding safety can take time, especially if you've experienced trauma. Start small - maybe it's just the feeling of your feet on the ground or the support of your chair. Safety doesn't have to feel big or obvious. It may be easiest to focus on the external world to find safety. Identify what you generally like with your senses and spend more time with those things. Conclusion: Simplicity Over Complexity In a world full of complicated breathing techniques and wellness "hacks," sometimes the most powerful approach is also the simplest: trust your body, breathe naturally, and stay curious about what arises. Your nervous system has incredible wisdom. When you create the right conditions—safety, presence, and gentle awareness—it knows how to heal. You don't need a special breathing technique or secret protocol. You just need to show up with curiosity and respect for your own experience. If you're ready to explore this approach further and learn practical skills for trauma recovery and self-regulation, I invite you to check out the Unstucking Academy . We're doing things differently there, grounded in Polyvagal Theory, simplicity, small steps, sustainability, and genuine care for your healing journey. Key Takeaways: Memorable Quotes Your body knows how much oxygen it needs, so let it breathe the way it needs to breathe. If you're busy counting breaths, you're not really present with what's happening inside you. The goal isn't to eliminate defensive states but to build your capacity to stay present with them while maintaining access to safety. Sustainable self-regulation isn't built overnight—it requires consistent practice in small, manageable doses. Sometimes the most powerful approach is also the simplest: trust your body, breathe naturally, and stay curious about what arises. About the Author:  Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, trauma recovery coach, and founder of the Unstucking Academy. He specializes in helping people heal from trauma using Polyvagal Theory and somatic approaches, without psychobabble or complicated techniques.

You've learned the Polyvagal Theory and can now recognize yourself as being stuck in a defensive state. Now you're wondering what to do next. Is it really possible to get unstuck, especially from a chronic, lifelong freeze? Can you genuinely build your body’s capacity for safety after a lifetime without it? These aren't just academic questions. They are deeply personal, and the answers can feel out of reach. That’s why I want to share a story from a member of the Unstucking Academy , Janie. She volunteered to share her journey of successfully unstucking from a lifelong freeze, offering her story, her tools, and her hard-won wisdom. What Being "Stuck" Felt Like Janie began by describing her baseline state for most of her life as freeze . I would say in general terms, it was more or less a freeze. Sometimes maybe dorsal, sometimes maybe flight, depending on my age and circumstances. But I really had very little acquaintance with ventral vagal, given my early circumstances. This lifelong freeze wasn't just a concept; it had real-world consequences. A major turning point came after her husband, who had been a source of safety and connection, passed away. After my husband died, no tears would come. I was numb. I mean, it's okay to be numb for a short time, but I was numb for five years and I said, 'Something is stuck in here.' I'm emotionally frozen. Another decisive moment of realization occurred during a women's retreat in Hawaii. A ceremony there unexpectedly surfaced a core wound of feeling unloved, which sent her into a deep spiral of shame. That raw, painful experience became the catalyst. It was a messy, difficult "unstucking," but it was the moment she knew she had to get help. She reached out to a therapist. The Path to Freeze State Recovery: Tools and Practices Getting unstuck is a process, not a single event. For Janie, it involved finding the right support and committing to consistent practices. 1. Finding the Right Therapy Her first therapist, while a kind person, used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which wasn't the right fit. She was eventually referred to a trauma specialist trained in Somatic Experiencing . This changed everything. We were dispensing of the stories from pretty much the get-go. Her particular protocol is just gazing, being very present, supplying her spirit of generosity, her mirroring... She likened it to a plant that has completely dried up... it will take some time for me to start being able to absorb those wonderful, relational, ventral vagal vibes from her. 2. The Power of Co-Regulation One of the most critical pieces of Janie's journey has been connecting with a small, dedicated group of women. This is not group therapy; it's a structured, supportive space for co-regulation . We are sharing with each other what is kind of moving through our system... Then the other members mirror back to us what we have said in a way that is to aid us to clarify what our process is. And to offer connection, support, complete acceptance, affection, encouragement. 3 . Daily Rituals and Deepening Insight Janie integrated daily practices to ground her system and build self-awareness. Meditation:  Using Dan Siegel's Wheel of Awareness to get beneath her regular frame of mind and connect with a deeper sense of self. Learning:  Reading books by authors like Lindsay Gibson ( Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents ) helped demystify her experience and remove self-blame. Nightly Ritual:  An "acknowledgement meditation" in bed to quiet her mind, tune into her felt sense, and process the day. 4 . A Nervous System "Transplant" Janie also had a profound experience with the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) , which she described as feeling like a "nervous system transplant." It gave her a powerful, tangible experience of a "10 out of 10" safety state, which became a touchstone for her nervous system to return to. The Transformation: From a 1 to a 10 After years of this dedicated work, the change is huge - Janie used to live at a 1 or 2 out of 10  on the safety scale, in a constant state of anxiety. Today, her baseline is a 5 to 7 out of 10. The anxiety is almost gone. And she can now access a 10 out of 10 . What does that feel like? It's fantastic. It's a place where I can kind of spread out internally. I don't feel constricted. It offers a clarity of thought, a certain kind of vitality and interest in life... It's a place of safety and affection, comfort. This isn't just an internal feeling. It shows up in her life . She shared a story about a neighbor who used to intimidate her. Recently, when he voiced an opinion about her property, she didn't shrink. She resourced herself, sized up the situation, and realized she didn't need to feel intimidated. The discomfort was gone. Those deep, meaningful connections she's built are now sustaining her. Those connections, those meaningful connections are very sustaining. That sustaining nature carries itself through situations that used to cause me anxiety, used to kind of have me freeze up. Janie's Advice for You I asked Janie for one piece of practical advice for someone who is stuck. Her answer gets to the heart of the matter. 1. Find a Buddy and Co-Regulate. Reach out for somebody to have regular conversations with about this stuff. It's one thing to get it cognitively, but for the nervous system to relearn, it needs to be done in relationship. There needs to be a certain amount of co-regulation going on. 2. Ho nor Your Own Pace. Honoring one's own pace is really important. It's the wisdom of the nervous system—it'll let you know when something is moving too quickly or you're pressing too much. When one is working along with it, it will find its way. It really has our best interests at heart. You're stuck. Not broken. Janie's freeze state recovery story is a powerful testament to the fact that you are stuck, not broken.   Her success continually came back to two pillars: safety and co-regulation. She found them with her therapist, her women's group, SSP experience, and within the Unstucking Academy . Even when virtual, a connection is a connection. No, it's not ideal. But it’s a heckuva lot better than nothing and a powerful supplement to other safety-building practices. Your Next Steps: I challenge you to look at your own life. I bet you have connections right at your fingertips that you're neglecting. An old friend, a family member, a neighbor. A text or a phone call is better than silence. I bet you're already in a community, free or paid, that you've been neglecting. Maybe it’s time to take advantage of what’s already in front of you. Build connections and work at your own pace in the Unstucking Academy. In the Unstucking Academy, you get the unstucking knowledge you need through my clear and simple coursework and connections with others so you're never alone. As Janie recommends, you can work at your own pace - learn and implement when you're ready. Q&A Q: What were the key tools and practices that aided in the recovery from a lifelong freeze state? A:  The recovery process involved several critical components: finding a trauma specialist trained in Somatic Experiencing, co-regulating with a small and supportive group, and integrating daily rituals like meditation and learning. A profound experience with the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) also provided a tangible reference point for what deep safety feels like.  Q: How did the experience of safety change after dedicated freee state recovery work? A:  Before the work, the baseline was a 1 or 2 out of 10 on the safety scale, characterized by constant anxiety. Afterward, the baseline shifted to a 5 to 7 out of 10, with anxiety almost gone. A "10 out of 10" became accessible, described as a state of internal spaciousness, clarity of thought, vitality, and comfort. Q: What is the primary advice for someone who is currently stuck? First, find someone to co-regulate with, because the nervous system relearns through relationship. Second, honor your own pace and trust the wisdom of your nervous system, as it knows when you are pushing too hard and will find its own way toward healing. Quotes from this Blog: Getting unstuck is a process, not a single event. Her success continually came back to two pillars: safety and co-regulation. You're stuck. Not broken.   Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast  and authored the Stuck Not Broken book series . Justin is passionate about the Polyvagal Theory and proudly serves on the Polyvagal Institute 's Editorial Board. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

Life can throw things at us that knock us completely off balance. A stressful event, a painful breakup, or a period of intense pressure can leave us feeling like a stranger in our own bodies, operating in a constant state of high alert. This experience was powerfully shared by a 17-year-old listener of the Stuck Not Broken  podcast , who we'll call "Chuck." His story is a perfect illustration of what it feels like to be stuck in survival mode, and his journey to understand it offers a map for anyone feeling lost in a similar state. Stuck Not Broken podcast episode 257 A Story of Stuck in Survival Mode Chuck reached out to share his experience after his first serious relationship ended, and he felt like he was stuck in survival mode. The relationship itself was intensely stressful, triggering an anxious attachment style he didn't even know he had, he told me. He bravely decided to end the relationship, recognizing it was more than he could handle. But the relief he hoped for never came. Nine months later, he described his life as a "living hell." I've been experiencing constant anxiety symptoms... along with fatigue, dizziness, extreme overthinking, persistent worry, high stress, headaches, migraines, weakened immunity, intrusive thoughts, physical weakness, appetite changes, tightness in my chest, and a constant sense of carrying a heavy emotional weight and tension with me wherever I go. I'm overly reactive, constantly on edge, jumpy and stuck in a mindset where it feels like nothing will ever change, like I'm trapped forever. I feel helpless and extremely hopeless. First, let's acknowledge the immense courage it takes to recognize when something is too much and to take steps to care for yourself, as Chuck did. That is an incredible act of self-awareness. Decoding the Signals: A Polyvagal Perspective Chuck’s description is a masterclass in the language of a dysregulated nervous system. While I can't (nor will) diagnose from a distance, we can use the lens of Polyvagal Theory to understand the patterns. When I hear phrases like "I'm trapped," "helpless,"  and "hopeless,"  my mind immediately goes to the Freeze  state. Freeze is a hybrid state of high activation (the sympathetic fight/flight system is floored) and immobilization (the dorsal vagal shutdown system puts on the brakes). Many of Chuck's symptoms point toward this complex state: Constant Anxiety & Tension:  This could be the high sympathetic activation of freeze, a low-level panic that's always humming in the background. Fatigue & Physical Weakness:  People in a chronic freeze state often cycle between the high-energy tension of being "on" and the subsequent crash into exhaustion and shutdown. Extreme Overthinking & Intrusive Thoughts:  The mind races, trying to find a way out of the perceived trap. Tightness in the Chest:  A classic sign of both anxiety (sympathetic) and the immobilization of freeze. Chuck also mentioned that despite this internal war, he could still function—go to school, hang out with friends, and even laugh. This is incredibly common. A stuck defensive state doesn't mean you are debilitated 24/7. When you're with friends, their smiles, laughter, and presence act as cues of safety , temporarily dialing down the defensive activation and allowing your true self to emerge. The Most Important Step (Even If You Don't Know Your State) Chuck felt stuck and couldn't definitively name his state. And he's not alone. Many people find it difficult to pinpoint exactly where they are on the polyvagal ladder. Here is the most important takeaway: You don't have to know your exact defensive state to begin healing. If you know you're dysregulated, you also know you don't have enough safety activation . Therefore, the most powerful, effective, and essential first step is to practice feeling safe. Building the strength of your ventral vagal safety state is the foundation for everything else. It calms the defensive systems, allows for clearer thinking, and creates the capacity to handle the difficult emotions that arise. You're Stuck. Not Broken. It's easy to feel broken when your internal world is in turmoil. But from a polyvagal perspective, you are not broken. You are stuck. Your nervous system is deploying ancient, adaptive survival strategies that are no longer serving you in the present moment. This means things are not hopeless, and you are not helpless. Many people wish they could "get back to their old self." But was that old self truly regulated? Or were they just coping better, using strategies to numb or ignore the dysregulation that was already there? Instead of going back, the goal is to move forward. To become the version of yourself that has more capacity for safety, connection, peace, and mindfulness. We don't know exactly who that person is yet, and that's a beautiful thing. Your Path Forward out of Stuck in Survival Mode: A Simple, Daily Practice So, where do you begin? You start small. You start with hope. You are already learning, reflecting, and seeking help—that is the opposite of helpless. The next step is to intentionally and consistently practice safety. D escribe, Don't Explain: When you feel "anxious" or "overwhelmed," try to move away from the story ( explaining ) and into the body ( describing ). What does it feel like? "A tightness in my chest, a buzzing in my hands, a hollow feeling in my stomach." This connects you to your direct experience without judgment. Start a Mini-Practice: The goal is not to eliminate the defensive feelings, but to balance them with safety moments. Your next step is simple but potentially life-changing: Once a day, for just 30 seconds, intentionally use one of your senses. Here are a few examples: Sight:  Really look at the intricate pattern on a leaf. Sound:  Close your eyes and just listen to the birds outside your window. Touch:  Feel the texture of your shirt or the warmth of a mug in your hands. This isn't about fixing anything. It's about giving your nervous system a 30-second anchor in the safety of the present moment. That is an avenue for hope. That is how you begin to build a new foundation, one moment at a time. Thank you, Chuck, for your vulnerability. Your story is a reminder that even in our darkest moments, we are not broken, and a path toward safety is always available. The Unstucking Academy If you're new to the Polyvagal Theory, looking to deepen your learning, and want to connect with others, then the Foundations Membership is just for you - learn through two courses, join Justin and others in a monthly Q&A, and discuss with others in the forum so you're never alone. Learn more about the Unstucking Academy > Q&A Q: What is the "Freeze" state from a Polyvagal perspective? A:  Freeze is a hybrid state where the sympathetic (fight/flight) system is highly activated while the immobilizing dorsal vagal (shutdown) system is also engaged. Q: Why can I still laugh with friends and seem to function normally if my nervous system is stuck in a defensive state? A:  This is very common. The presence of friends—their smiles, laughter, and engagement—can act as powerful cues of safety. These cues temporarily dial down the defensive activation, allowing your more authentic, socially engaged self (your ventral vagal state) to emerge for a while. Q: What is the most effective first step to take when you feel stuck in survival mode? A:  The most essential first step is to intentionally and consistently practice feeling safe. Since any dysregulated state means you don't have enough safety activation, building the strength of your ventral vagal safety state is the foundation for calming the defensive systems and creating the capacity for healing. Is there a place for me to go to learn more about the Polyvagal Theory and connect with others? Yes! The Foundations Membership in the Unstucking Academy  is the perfect place. You can learn through two courses, join Justin and others in a monthly Q&A, and discuss with others in the forum. Quotes from this Blog: You don't have to know your exact defensive state to begin healing. From a polyvagal perspective, you are not broken. You are stuck. Instead of going back, the goal is to move forward. To become the version of yourself that has more capacity for safety, connection, peace, and mindfulness.   Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast  and authored the Stuck Not Broken book series . Justin is passionate about the Polyvagal Theory and proudly serves on the Polyvagal Institute 's Editorial Board. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed that you just shut down emotionally and physically? Perhaps you've experienced a sudden loss of energy, a chronic feeling of numbness, or a disconnection from the world around you. These are all common symptoms of what's known as dorsal vagal shutdown, a physiological response to stress that can leave us feeling helpless and unable to cope. I'm guessing that's what brings you here. You probably think something is wrong with you or things won't improve. You may be feeling hopeless and helpless. But what exactly is dorsal vagal shutdown, and how can we recognize and manage it? In this blog, I'll dive deeply into the topic of dorsal vagal shutdowns and provide you with some concrete next steps. Whether you're a therapist, a coach, or simply someone interested in learning more about the human body and mind, this blog will provide valuable insights into an intriguing aspect of our physiology. I will also connect it to trauma and give you concrete next steps. Jump to a section: understanding dorsal vagal shutdown causes of dorsal vagal shutdown symptoms of dorsal vagal shutdown the experience of dorsal vagal shutdown the link between trauma and dorsal vagal shutdown coming out of a dorsal vagal shutdown strategies to overcome a dorsal vagal shutdown seeking professional help for dorsal vagal shutdown Understanding Dorsal Vagal Shutdown Dorsal vagal shutdown is a potential physiological response to stress that occurs when the body's autonomic nervous system (ANS) is activated. The ANS regulates many of the body's automatic functions, such as heart rate, breathing, and digestion. Basically, it regulates all the stuff we don't have to think about. According to Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory , the ANS has three main branches with three primary states the body can exist in. The three primary states of the body are: safety & social engagement , regulated by the ventral vagal branch flight & fight mobility , regulated by the sympathetic branch shutdown immobility , regulated by the dorsal vagal branch When the body is exposed to danger, the ANS shifts out of the safety state, the sympathetic flight/fight state is activated, and the body prepares to fight or flee. However, when the stress is too intense or prolonged, the body may shift into a dorsal vagal shutdown, a protective response that helps the body conserve energy and resources. In the shutdown state, the body's functions slow down significantly in an evolutionary attempt to appear dead. Heart rate and breathing slow down, digestion is inhibited, and the body may feel numb or disconnected. Causes of Dorsal Vagal Shutdown Various stressors, including physical trauma, emotional trauma, chronic stress, and illness can trigger dorsal vagal shutdown. Any situation that overwhelms the body's ability to cope can lead to dorsal vagal shutdown. For example, a car accident, a natural disaster, or a physical assault can all trigger this response. Similarly, ongoing stressors such as financial problems, relationship issues, or work-related stress can lead to a dorsal vagal shutdown. Of course, there are different presentations and symptoms of shutdown, which I will discuss in the next section. Chronically existing in a shutdown state won't be the same experience as entering shutdown in a life-threatening instance. In addition to external stressors, internal factors can contribute to dorsal vagal shutdown. For example, chronic pain, illness, or inflammation can activate the body's stress response, eventually triggering or contributing to a dorsal vagal shutdown. Similarly, unresolved emotional issues such as past trauma or grief can also contribute to this response. Symptoms of Dorsal Vagal Shutdown Dorsal vagal shutdown can manifest in various ways, depending on the individual and the situation. Shutdown can outwardly look obvious, but it can also be more hidden and difficult to detect. Outwardly, in a moment of life threat, someone in a dorsal vagal shutdown will physically collapse and go limp. The evolutionary benefit is to mimic death, allowing a predator to ignore the organism and instead focus on another prey. But the shutdown triggered by ongoing stress is more difficult to detect. Common symptoms of dorsal vagal shutdown include: numbness or dissociation feeling disconnected from reality or other people low energy or fatigue slow heart rate or breathing digestive problems or nausea These symptoms can be distressing and interfere with daily functioning, making it difficult to work, socialize, or engage in self-care activities. The experience of chronic dorsal vagal shutdown My therapy clients consistently describe their dorsal vagal shutdown in similar ways. Their lived experience is like being all alone in a dark room. They say they are lying down on the floor of the dark room, limp and without energy. They often describe the dark room as a black, endless void without walls—the feeling of aloneness and the lack of energy permeate. The dark room description is one possible experience in a chronic dorsal vagal shutdown. Yes, it probably sounds like depression. The Polyvagal Theory hypothesizes that being stuck in a shutdown autonomic state may underlie depression. The Link Between Trauma and Dorsal Vagal Shutdown Trauma and dorsal vagal shutdown go hand-in-hand. To understand this, let's first understand what "trauma" is. What trauma is Imagine two people sitting in the back seat of a car. A third person is driving and crashes the car head-first into a tree. Both of the backseat passengers have gone through the same basic event. But they may have very different immediate and future reactions to it. Passenger A may leave that accident, check to ensure safety, and breathe a sigh of relief. Passenger B, on the other hand, may not. Passenger B may be stuck in a traumatized state and unable to immediately get back to a baseline where they can breathe that sigh of relief. Passenger B may be terrified whenever they get into a car for months, while Passenger A does not feel those effects. Traumatic events have immediate and long-lasting effects on the state of the Autonomic Nervous System. In our car crash example, Passengers A & B both probably initially panicked, freezing their entire body and bracing for impact. Passenger A may have been able to physically leave the crash and self-regulate back into their safety state once the initial danger had passed. Passenger B may have gotten trapped in the car, and their door was unable to open. Their frozen state did not subside; they remained in that defensive state and could not exit it. On top of that, let's assume that Passenger B was ridiculed for the way their body responded to the event. Or that loved one's in B's life said they did not believe B had been through the accident. Different people can react differently to similar experiences. Two individuals may have distinct immediate and long-term responses to the same event, just like our passengers. I actually collected all of my trauma content for you in the free Members' Center . Sign up as a site member to access my curated content, including information on trauma and more. The point - Trauma is not the event . Trauma is the impact of the event. Trauma is also the lack of events, like when a parent does not provide the basics to form a healthy attachment with their child. More specifically - Trauma is being stuck in a defensive state. Trauma is the inability to access the ventral vagal autonomic pathways responsible for safety and social engagement. How Dorsal Vagal Shutdown Contributes to Trauma The dorsal vagal shutdown state is one of the ANS' potential defensive states. One can be traumatized and stuck in any of the Polyvagal defensive states. These are all of the Polyvagal defensive states: flight/fight shutdown freeze Chronic disruption of connectedness - Shutdown My therapy clients often get stuck in a dorsal vagal shutdown state by repeatedly being cut off from safe others. This path of trauma usually results from some form of abuse when one is younger. But being cut off from safe others can also occur in domestic violence situations or hostage situations. These are situations that the individual cannot escape or fight against. The individual may enter a dorsal vagal shutdown dominant state if these defensive strategies are unsuccessful. Acute life threat reaction - Freeze But another path of trauma could also lead to dorsal vagal activation - acute life-threat reaction. In this path of trauma, an individual's ANS shifts into flight/fight, but cannot utilize the impulse to escape or be aggressive. While this individual is in flight/fight, they are also immobilized through force or perception. The immobilization of flight/fight creates a mixed state - freeze. Freeze is the combination of flight/fight and shutdown activation. Sympathetic plus dorsal vagal shutdown. Mobilization plus immobilization. A panic attack is an excellent example of freeze. If someone is immobilized while in flight/fight, they risk being left in a traumatized state. The immobility of dorsal vagal shutdown freezes their flight/fight activation into their system. This activation may remain dormant until triggered by reminders of the trauma's context. Frozen activation could also present itself through flashbacks, panic attacks, or explosive rage. Freeze and shutdown are different , though they both involve immobilization. Coming out of a chronic dorsal vagal shutdown Evolutionarily, it's possible to come out of a dorsal vagal shutdown. This Polyvagal state evolved within us as a survival function. Shutdown is intended to increase the chances of survival in the face of a life threat by going into an immobile state and conserving the body's resources and slowing down its processes. Wild animals can emerge from a shutdown death feign. They can shift up their Polyvagal ladder into their sympathetic fight state. If they can successfully utilize their fight energy, they can further climb their ladder into flight and then into their safety state. Shutdown evolved to be a state we enter into and come out of in brief periods of time. However, humans enter shutdown and remain in shutdown. There are many reasons we stay stuck, like things we do to ourselves and things we do to each other. Coming out of a chronic dorsal vagal shutdown is not quick for us. Instead, we need to emerge from shutdown slowly . Our sympathetic flight/fight energy will enter our system as we do so. The return of sympathetic energy can be overwhelming for people, which stops the process and sends them back into shutdown. We often turn to behavioral adaptations as a means of coping with the discomfort of emerging from shutdown. However, we need to move beyond these behavioral adaptations. And even beyond coping or managing the experiences. Instead, someone in shutdown needs to embrace mindfulness and access their state of safety. Strategies to Recover from Dorsal Vagal Shutdown A dorsal vagal shutdown does not need to be permanent. It is generally possible to live a more connected and fulfilling life. Co-regulation & connection I had the pleasure of interviewing Deb Dana , and she provided a beautiful analogy of coming out of shutdown, comparing it to a turtle coming out of its shell. To get a turtle to come out of the shell, you don't knock on its shell and you don't shake them... You just kinda sit there patiently... But you really have to be beaming that ventral vagal energy to that system. She's saying someone in shutdown cannot be forced out of shutdown. Instead, they need to know it's safe to emerge from the shutdown. "Knowing" does not refer to cognitive knowing. It refers to a biological knowing; of receiving cues of safety from the external environment through neuroception . Cues of safety from a safe other come through co-regulation. When Deb says we need to "beam" safety state cues to someone in shutdown, she is referring to this. So if someone in shutdown can connect with safe others that provide them with a sense of safety, this can be helpful. However, this can be difficult, especially for someone in shutdown. So the next option might be a better starting point. Passive safety cues from the environment I recommend starting with the environment in which you live. It's possible to increase the safety cues that your system detects. Passive safety cues are signals from the environment that are neurocepted as safe. They are cues that provide calm to your body. Everything around you right now is affecting your Polyvagal state. Pieces of your environment, such as: lighting sound smells proximity and more These and many more passive environmental cues are detected as either more or less safe. For the most part, they're probably benign and don't have a significant impact on your feelings of calm. However, they also could have a significant impact. For example, you may be in an environment that provides you with numerous safety cues. But imagine hearing a train blaring its horn outside of your window. This would probably have a significant impact on your level of relaxation and calm. Extreme example, I know. Let's try another one. Imagine having a great environment where you feel safe, like a beach. But then, someone invades your space. Your feelings of safety will lessen depending on your relationship with that person and their proximity to you. The point - Environmental cues like proximity and lighting can impact your access to your safety state. Apply this idea to your home environment. Do an assessment of your home and identify what cues provide you with more feelings of safety and which diminish your safety experiences. It's possible to manipulate your environment to provide more passive safety cues. In the Building Safety Anchors course , this is covered in much more detail, and I provide you with specific steps to create your own personal safety cue environment. Mindfully experience the passive safety cues. After setting up more safety cues, the next step is to experience them mindfully. Allow yourself to feel a sense of calm and safety, and experience your connection with your external environment. Mindfully allow the dorsal vagal shutdown experience from safety. If you can mindfully connect with your environment, the next step is to allow slight dorsal vagal activation. This is easier than it sounds. In shutdown, the body immobilizes. So allow yourself to immobilize. Allow yourself to be immobile while taking in your passive safety cues mindfully. In shutdown, the environment is typically overwhelming and overstimulating. So listen to this and reduce stimulation. Then experience what it's like to be immobile while safe, with lower stimulation. If you allow yourself to have a mindful experience of your shutdown, then your body's natural capacity to self-regulate can emerge. As you exit shutdown, your flight/fight energy will return to your system. Seeking Professional Help for Dorsal Vagal Shutdown If you're experiencing symptoms of dorsal vagal shutdown, seeking professional help and guidance is important. A mental health professional or other healthcare provider can help you understand the underlying causes of your symptoms and develop a personalized treatment plan to address them. If you need therapy, find a therapist. I recommend a Polyvagal-informed one if you can find one. There is hope in coming out of shutdown! Existing in a chronic dorsal vagal shutdown is tough, I know. Shutdown has been my "home away from home" my entire life. It's possible to recover from it, although it's a lengthy process. Thanks for reading this blog. I hope you found it informative and have some next steps on what you can do. Get relief from shutdown I created courses and a private community to help you get relief from your stuck dorsal vagal shutdown state. The classes teach you how to get unstuck, and the community supports you throughout your journey. Eva is a member of the Unstucking Academy and shares her unstucking success story , providing you with 17 tips. Do you trust in your ability to self-regulate? As a biological organism, you are compelled to self-regulate. You must. However, trauma gets in the way. Do you still have confidence in your ability to self-regulate? Read more here > Q&A Q: What is dorsal vagal shutdown? A: Dorsal vagal shutdown is a physiological response to stress where the body conserves energy and resources by slowing down its functions, leading to symptoms such as numbness, disconnection, and low energy. Q: What causes dorsal vagal shutdown? A: Various stressors, including physical and emotional trauma, chronic stress, and illness, can trigger dorsal vagal shutdown. Internal factors like chronic pain and unresolved emotional issues can also contribute to this response. Q: How can I recover from dorsal vagal shutdown? A: Recovery involves co-regulation and connection with safe others, enhancing passive safety cues in your environment, mindfully experiencing these cues, and gradually allowing slight dorsal vagal activation while feeling safe and supported. Quotes from this blog: Shutdown evolved to be a state we enter into and come out of in brief periods of time. However, humans enter shutdown and remain in shutdown. Trauma is not the event. Trauma is the impact of the event. Trauma is also the lack of events, like when a parent does not provide the basics to form a healthy attachment with their child. In shutdown, the environment is typically overwhelming and overstimulating. So listen to this and reduce stimulation. Then experience what it's like to be immobile, while safe, with lower stimulation. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast and author of the Stuck Not Broken Book series . He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

You want to be more mindful to reduce negative emotions like stress, anxiety, worry, and panic. However, finding time for long meditative sessions can be a challenge, and silence is too difficult. What if there was an easier way to incorporate mindfulness into your day? In this blog, I will share a simple but essential mindfulness ingredient: incorporating small moments of silence into your daily routine. Doing so lets you practice feeling safe and reduce your negative emotional experiences. These small moments of mindful silence and solitude will help you to feel more calm, confident, and connected. In this blog: silence is essential how noise disrupts mindfulness silence and mindfulness feeling safe through mindfulness practical tips for incorporating silence “In Silence there is eloquence. Stop weaving and see how the pattern improves.” -Rumi Silence is essential for mindfulness. Silence is a powerful tool. It offers a much-needed break in a world filled with constant noise and stimulation. It allows us to pause, breathe, and simply be. In these quiet moments, we can truly tune into our bodies and surroundings, practicing mindfulness in its purest form. The natural condition of life is silence. Before technology and bustling cities, silence must have been ever-present. Of course, there were sounds of neighbors, animals, trees in the wind, and more. But underneath that was a constant and steady stream of accessible silence. The silence was a friend. When noise disrupted the silence, our bodies neurocepted the sound as safety or danger. The crack of a twig behind us alerted us to possible danger. The low, deep rumble in the distance signaled an avalanche. The squawking of birds indicated a predator was near. Silence and survival went hand in hand. “The world's continual breathing is what we hear and call silence.” -Clarice Lispector, The Passion According to G.H. How noise disrupts mindfulness. True and natural silence is something we probably cannot access day to day. Check your level of silence right now. What do you hear? It may be quiet , but I doubt there is actual silence. You likely hear people in the background, traffic in the distance, or the hums of fluorescent lights or a refrigerator. Silence still exists, but we are effectively cut off from it. And in place of the stillness of friendly silence, we are left with the unease of unrelenting sound. Noise can lead to sympathetic activation. You may not be aware of it, but your body probably is constantly in some level of sympathetic activation. The sympathetic system is responsible for your body's ability to mobilize. You use mobilization for playing and dancing when safe. However, the sympathetic system can also be used to run and fight when in danger. Being in a state of sympathetic activation doesn't mean you're actually running away or fighting something. Likely, you feel this constant activation through emotions such as: stress anxiety anger overwhelm Noise can trigger our sympathetic state. Think of a time when someone scared you by yelling, "BOO!" Your body likely tensed up in a freeze state. Part of freeze activation is flight/fight, but along with immobility of shutdown. Another example is music. Music can trigger our mobilization state, resulting in dance or tapping your foot in rhythm. Constant background noise has the same impact - it mobilizes us, though probably just a little. But it may be enough to notice. This constant mobilization is likely felt as stress, general unease, or even anxiety. Silence & Mindfulness Mindfulness is the ability to attune to the present moment. Mindfulness leads to connection with the external environment and your internal world. Mindfulness and connection go together. But in order to get to mindfulness and connection, you need to exist in literal external safety. From external safety, there is a chance to exist in your body's neurophysiological state of safety. These ventral vagal pathways are responsible for your ability to connect and socially engage. Silence *can* lead to safety. If you're mobilized in danger, you won't be able to access your safety state. So the unrelenting noise surrounding you decreases your chances of existing in your safety state. One possible solution to this problem is to decrease the noise around you. You can control some things, like your phone, speakers, TVs, computers, and so on. Some things you cannot control, like the traffic in the background. And while you can unplug your fridge, I don't recommend it. Reducing the noise around you can help you to reconnect with your natural friend of silence. “The deepest feeling always shows itself in silence.” -Marianne Moore Silence can also lead to danger. However, silence can also be an uncomfortable experience for many, especially if stuck in a traumatized state. Silence can feel very unsafe if someone is stuck in a state of flight/fight or freeze. Instead, they often prefer noise, something for their ear to focus on to remind them they are not actually in danger. Here are examples of noises that may help traumatized individuals to feel calmer: white noise music tv on in the background ASMR These noises may help calm their defensive activation but don't solve the problem. These are aids, not solutions. The problem is defensive state activation, not silence. But silence forces this individual to feel their emotional dysregulation without the distraction and reassurance of sound to focus on. Silence may be too much for them. The problem is being stuck in a defensive state. The goal is to lower the defensive state activation. The solution is to increase safety state activation. And the tool to do so is mindfulness. Feeling Safe Through Mindfulness When we practice mindfulness, we're not just being present – we're cultivating a sense of safety and exercising the ventral vagal biological pathways of safety. Over time, the pathways can be strong enough to tolerate even high levels of defensive activation. Being mindful of defensive activation like anxiety and fear is probably too much to ask. Instead, be mindful of safety state activation when it is present. You will notice your safety state is active because you'll feel more connected to the present moment. Your breath will be easier, into your belly, and relaxed. For now, practice being mindful with sound that you find soothing. As you practice being mindful with sound, you will eventually be able to practice doing so without sound. Silent Mindfulness in Small Moments To aid you in reconnecting with silence, practice small moments of silent mindfulness. Don't challenge yourself to 10 minutes of silence. Stick with like 30 seconds. If that's tolerable, extend it if you like. Mindfulness doesn't require a meditation cushion or an hour of spare time. It can be practiced in small moments throughout your day. You can be mindful of what it's like to fold laundry, wash your hands, play with your kids, or pull weeds. All of these have experiences that you can pay more attention to. Whether you're sipping your morning coffee, taking a short walk, or simply sitting quietly for a few minutes, these moments of silence can become powerful mindfulness practices. “How much better is silence; the coffee cup, the table. How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. Let me sit here for ever with bare things, this coffee cup, this knife, this fork, things in themselves, myself being myself.” -Virginia Woolf, The Waves Practical Tips for Incorporating Silence I ncorporating silence into your daily routine doesn't have to be complicated. Here are some possibilities: Start your day with five minutes of silence before reaching for your phone. Take short silent breaks throughout your day, even if it's just for a minute or two. Use movement with your mindfulness and take walks in silence. Practice mindful eating by eating your meals in silence, focusing on the taste and texture of your food with a breath in between bites. Before bed, spend a few minutes in silence, using your imagination to anchor in safety. Use noise-cancelling earbuds or headphones to dampen sound if needed. How I Use Silence Every Morning My morning routine currently involves lots of silence. Well, as long as I am up before my wife and children. I wake up by 6 am and begin my routine to prepare for work. During the school year, I'll get up at 5:30 to ensure quiet time before the kids are up and lunches must be packed. I do my morning work prep in silence. No phone usage, no screens, no music. I let things be as quiet as they naturally can be. I listen to what my body needs in the quiet. I follow the small pushes and pulls that my body experiences, even with trivial things. I drink coffee or water based on what my body is saying it needs. I sit where it feels right, like on the couch or the deck in the backyard. I read or sit quietly and reflect. I do a short meditation if it feels right. While packing my lunch or eating breakfast, I notice the small things. The textures of the english muffin, the smell of the jelly I am spreading, and the sound of the zipper of my lunch bag. I try to slow down and let every moment exist independently, each with its tiny experiential opportunities. My quiet mornings go for about 90 minutes until I leave for work. At that point, I drive to work with whatever feels right. I typically want either more silence or music. Lately, I have been listening to heavy metal on the way to work as more sympathetic energy has flavored my system. One of my Stucknaut Collective community members called this a "calm and restorative" morning routine, and I agree. “Guard well your spare moments. They are like uncut diamonds. Discard them and their value will never be known. Improve them and they will become the brightest gems in a useful life.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson Learn to be okay with silence. You know how important silence can be. But you struggle to be okay in silence or don't know how to make the most of it. In the Unstucking Academy, the coursework teaches you how, meditations and live meetups help you practice, and the small community ensures you're not alone. Learn more about the Unstucking Academy > Do you trust in your power to self-regulate? Your body is compelled to self-regulate, but trauma stops this process. Do you trust that you have the innate power to self-regulate, release your trauma, and live more calmly, confidently, and connected? Read more here > Q&A Q: What is the power of silence? A: Silence is a powerful tool that offers a break from the world's constant noise and stimulation. It allows us to pause, breathe, and simply be, helping us practice mindfulness in its purest form. Q: How can noise negatively affect us? A: Constant noise can lead to a state of chronic stress and anxiety, as our bodies remain in a state of constant alert. This can be felt as stress, general unease, or even anxiety. Q: How can we incorporate silence into our daily routine? A: Incorporating silence into our daily routine can be as simple as starting the day with five minutes, taking short silent breaks throughout the day, practicing mindful eating in silence, and spending a few minutes in silence before bed. Quotes from this Blog Silence is a powerful tool. It offers a much-needed break in a world filled with constant noise and stimulation. Mindfulness is the ability to attune to the present moment. Mindfulness leads to connection with the external environment and your internal world. Incorporating silence into your daily routine doesn't have to be complicated. It's about finding small moments throughout your day to simply be. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast and is the author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . Justin is a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board.

There's an exciting new book that delves into the depths of Polyvagal Theory, providing insights into our complex nervous systems. In this blog post, I will review "Our Polyvagal World" by Dr. Stephen Porges and Seth Porges. I am a huge Polyvagal Nerd and a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board. I'll try to be as unbiased as possible! (Links to the book will take you to Amazon. I will get a portion of the book sale at no extra cost to you.) "Our Polyvagal World" Book - Approachable for All " Our Polyvagal World " is an approachable book that caters to many audiences. From general readers to Polyvagal Theory enthusiasts, the book offers something for everyone. The language used in the book is simple and easy to understand, making it accessible even to newcomers to the theory. Seth Porges seems to be the primary writer. His Dad, Dr. Stephen Porges, is the creator of the Polyvagal Theory and seems to have written some of the book but also acted as editor. Overall, the two strike a great balance. Key Topics in "Our Polyvagal World" Book The book covers many topics, from oxytocin to evolution to respiratory science arrhythmia, providing readers with diverse insights. Whether you are interested in understanding the impact of Polyvagal Theory on schools, prisons, or mixed states, "Our Polyvagal World" has something for you. My favorite section is the one on oxytocin. It does a great job of connecting the chemical to the Polyvagal Theory and has a beautiful little twist. Out of the entirety of this book, this is by far the most delightful, and it left me with a smile. Politically Neutral and Open: I also love and commend the authors' commitment to maintaining a politically neutral and inclusive approach. The discussion points are inviting to all readers, regardless of their political or religious leanings. They go out of their way to discuss the Polyvagal Theory and make it approachable for anyone. It's refreshing to see a book that focuses solely on knowledge and its practical application, allowing readers to apply the theory as they see fit. Areas for Improvement: While there is much to appreciate in " Our Polyvagal World ," certain aspects left me wanting more. The exploration of mixed states, in particular, felt lacking in depth. I think they left some very interesting questions open and aren't even aware that they did. In fact, I found it to be such a glaring omission that I created podcast episodes around them. Is Intimacy truly a unique mixed state or a contextual representation of stillness? View my episode on it here . Are fawn and appeasement truly mixed states or behavioral adaptations? View my episode on it here . Bewilderingly, the book even omits freeze and stillness from the now-official table of states. Freeze and Stillness are already part of the PVT, so I just don't see how both authors and their editors missed these. The book has some lovely bits and some interesting discussion points, but it also misses the point on the mixed states. The Length and Structure of "Our Polyvagal World" One aspect that can be perceived positively and negatively is the book's length. I appreciated its brevity, as it made for an easy and engaging read. However, others who prefer more in-depth content may find it lacking. The book has 203 pages. However, part of those 203 pages is an unnecessary glossary. No, seriously. It's not needed. The book is written for a beginner, so it's already very approachable. And the glossary has words that don't even appear in the book. The 203 pages also have a short epilogue and acknowledgments. So, the main book dwindles to 183 pages. I seriously think they were padding the pages to make it longer. Clarity of Voice of "Our Polyvagal World" The book is written by two authors, Seth Porges and Dr. Stephen Porges, which occasionally creates confusion about who speaks. While it's apparent that Seth took the lead in writing the book, the occasional interjections from Dr. Porges can be distracting. Clearer attribution of the author's voices would have made for a more seamless reading experience. Conclusion: In conclusion, "Our Polyvagal World" by Dr. Stephen Porges and Seth Porges is an overall enjoyable and educational read. The book provides valuable insights into Polyvagal Theory and its applications. Whether you are a newcomer to the theory or a Polyvagal nerd looking for fresh perspectives, there is something for everyone in this book. While there are areas for improvement, such as the depth of exploration in certain topics and the clarity of voice, the book still merits consideration. I bought it for $14 even though I had an advanced copy already. So yeah, I think it's worth buying, especially for $14. Do you trust in your power to self-regulate? Your body is compelled to self-regulate, but trauma stops this process. Do you trust that you have the innate power to self-regulate, release your trauma, and live more calmly, confidently, and connected? Read more here > Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast and is the author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . Justin is a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board.

The Polyvagal Theory can be challenging to understand as it is dense and highly academic. Fortunately, Deb Dana has translated the PVT language, making it accessible to everyone. Deb works closely with Dr. Steven Porges, who created the Polyvagal Theory, and is one of the co-founders of the Polyvagal Institute (where I serve on the Editorial Board). In this blog, I'll highlight and explain some of Deb Dana's significant contributions to the Polyvagal Theory. Jump to a section: the polyvagal ladder triggers and glimmers home away from home story follows state Deb Dana's Polyvagal Ladder Metaphor Deb Dana conceptualized the polyvagal ladder metaphor, which is foundational in understanding the Polyvagal Theory. This metaphor illustrates how our autonomic states are structured and the order in which they evolved. The top of this metaphorical ladder is the safe and social state, linked to the brainstem and extending to our face, neck, and heart. This evolved last. The middle rung represents our spinal cord's sympathetic flight/fight system. This state evolved second. The bottom rung symbolizes the shutdown state, associated with our gut. This state evolved first and is the oldest. This ladder demonstrates how these states are physically stacked within our bodies and their sequential nature in response to stimuli. Sequential Movement Through States The Polyvagal Ladder is a metaphor that explains how our autonomic nervous system moves through different states in a specific order. For instance, a sudden loud noise might cause someone to drop from a calm and connected state (ventral vagal safety) to a fight or flight response (sympathetic mobilization). This is not a conscious decision or a random reaction but a sequential drop triggered by external cues. This individual would reversely climb back up the ladder from sympathetic to safety. If you exist in a traumatized state, understanding the sequential nature of the ladder metaphor may help validate and normalize your past and present experiences. Therapy clients often find this concept normalizing, helping them to relieve their judgment and blame. Free resource: the Polyvagal Ladder I consistently use the ladder metaphor in my content. I actually created a Polyvagal ladder sheet for you to download and print out (see below). The Members' Center has more free resources, like Learning Hubs, and more downloads. Triggers and Glimmers from Deb Dana Deb Dana introduces the concepts of triggers and glimmers in her book "The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy." (the links to Deb's books will take you to Amazon. Purchases through these links will give me a portion of the sale at no extra cost to you.) Triggers "Triggers" are events that overwhelm the vagal brake and activate our defensive states, either mobilizing us into fight/flight mode or pushing us into dorsal vagal shutdown. This concept is particularly relevant for individuals with trauma, as triggers can be unpredictable and sometimes benign, yet they evoke strong autonomic responses. Triggers occur when the vagal brake is not able to relax, reengage, and maintain ventral vagal regulation. Triggers are a result of a neural challenge that is too big for the flexibility of the system. They bring a neuroception of danger or life-threat, and the autonomic nervous system activates a survival response. These cues of danger prompt either a sympathetic mobilization or a dorsal vagal shutdown. -Deb Dana, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy Glimmers "Glimmers," on the other hand, are moments or cues that activate our safety state. They are micro-moments of ventral vagal activation that can shift a nervous system from survival mode to a state of autonomic regulation. Focusing on these moments can gradually strengthen the safety state and the vagal brake. The ventral vagal system guides our experience of glimmers. The neuroception of safety creates the possibility of relaxing into a moment of connection to self, to others, or to the environment. Cues of safety bring glimmers that are often sensed in micro-moments of ventral vagal activation. Glimmers can help calm a nervous system in survival mode and bring a return of autonomic regulation… Bringing attention to these small moments moves the system toward a tipping point, and multiple micro-moments may become significant enough to create an autonomic shift. -Deb Dana, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy Home Away from Home concept from Deb Dana Deb Dana's "home away from home" concept suggests that our natural 'home' should be the ventral vagal safety state. However, many individuals find themselves stuck in other states, such as flight, fight, freeze,  appease , or fawn. Due to their predictability, these states can become familiar and somewhat comforting. The goal is gradually spending more time in the safety state, making it dominant. As you spend more time in your safety state, your vagal brake will strengthen. As your vagal brake strengthens , stuck traumatized states will soften and relieve. Deb Dana's "Story Follows State" Polyvagal Theory Concept Another significant contribution from Dana is the idea that "story follows state." This concept teaches that our autonomic nervous system's state influences our thoughts. (It also influences our sensations, impulses, emotions, and behaviors.) Trauma-trained therapists are taught that a foundation of effective work is understanding “perception is more important than reality.” Personal perception, not the actual facts of an experience, creates posttraumatic consequences. Polyvagal Theory demonstrates that even before the brain makes meaning of an incident, the autonomic nervous system has assessed the environment and initiated an adaptive survival response. Neuroception precedes perception. Story follows state.  -Deb Dana, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy Mental health interventions often focus on changing thoughts, but the primary mover is our autonomic state. Addressing the state of our autonomic nervous system can be more effective than solely focusing on cognitive processes. However, top-down interventions can also be helpful. Learn and apply the Polyvagal Theory simply. Deb is an amazing resource to learn the Polyvagal Theory. But it's time to go beyond learning and apply your knowledge to build safety and finally get unstuck. In the Unstucking Academy, the coursework teaches you how, meditations and live meetups help you practice, and the small community ensures you're not alone. Learn more about the Unstucking Academy > Q&A Q: What is the Polyvagal Ladder Metaphor, and why is it important? A: Deb Dana introduced the polyvagal ladder metaphor, which represents how our autonomic states evolve and are structured in our bodies, illustrating the sequential movement through these states. Q: How do triggers and glimmers influence our autonomic nervous system? A: Triggers activate our defensive states, leading to sympathetic fight or flight and dorsal vagal shutdown, while glimmers activate the safety state. Q: What does the concept "Story Follows State" signify in Polyvagal Theory? A: "Story Follows State," a concept highlighted by Deb Dana, signifies that our thoughts and narratives are secondary to the state of our autonomic nervous system. Quotes from this article: If you exist in a traumatized state, understanding the sequential nature of the ladder metaphor may help validate  and normalize  your past and present experiences. ...many individuals often find themselves stuck in other states like flight, fight, freeze, appease , or fawn. These states can become familiar and somewhat comforting due to their predictability. Mental health interventions often focus on changing thoughts, but the primary mover is our autonomic state. Do you trust in your power to self-regulate? Your body is compelled to self-regulate, but trauma stops this process. Do you trust that you have the innate power to self-regulate, release your trauma, and live more calmly, confidently, and connected? Read more here >

Emotional regulation involves a delicate balance between actively doing things and also allowing things to unfold naturally. It's a dance between taking charge of our emotional responses and gently letting our feelings run their course. In this blog, I'll delve into emotional regulation, exploring how the interplay of action and acceptance can lead to a more harmonious and resilient emotional life. I found a comment on one of my YouTube videos with a great question tucked within its foul-mouthed presentation. Where is this weird 'allow yourself' grammar bulls*** coming from? You don't "allow yourself" anything. That's called 'doing something'. You 'do something'. You 'act'. I've never seen a single person asking their mirror image for permission before they start crying. They just f**ing start crying. What the f*** is up with this alienating language?? This lovely comment poses something worth cognitively chewing on. How do we emotionally regulate: should we actively make ourselves experience certain emotions, or should we allow these emotions to surface? Do we summon a feeling or do we notice what is already there? And then, do we make ourselves act on it, like cry? Or do we allow ourselves to cry? Emotional Regulation = Allowing I typically frame things as "allowing." I believe we allow ourselves to experience what is already inside. I don't view emotional experiences as actions we must initiate; rather, they are natural responses we should permit ourselves to experience. I believe those emotions are already within us, whether we consciously recognize them or not. But for the emotion to be felt and acted upon, we must mindfully allow it to be present. And then, we must mindfully allow an impulse to come from the emotion, like crying. I teach this process in Unstucking Defensive States . The Impulse to Cry Crying is a great example of allowing vs doing. I don't know about you, but when I feel the urge to cry, I don't actively initiate it. I feel it. I recognize it as a signal from my body, indicating a need for emotional release. And then I allow my body to do what it is prepared to. I don't obstruct this natural process with distractions like binge-watching Netflix or substance use. I don't tell myself I'm weak and to stuff it down inside. I allow. The body has an impulse on what to do - cry. You don't force it or summon it. You allow it. Of course, you may not be. Instead, you may be numbing through doom-scrolling or judging yourself for needing to cry. Actively cry Therapy clients often tell me they were raised to think crying makes them "weak." This belief is a common cultural and familial one, passed on for generations. This belief stops the natural impulse to cry. It dismisses and disrespects the sadness, grief, and loneliness within. We do plenty of things with our conscious mind to actively stop natural, healthy emotional expression. That is, we don't allow the emotion and the expression. So, maybe instead of actively making yourself cry, you can actively stop saying things to yourself that shut down the process. Maybe you can actively tell yourself it's okay to cry. Maybe you can actively validate your emotion, normalize it, and permit yourself to have it. Polyvagal Theory and Emotional States My thinking on the question of "allow or do" comes from my understanding of the Polyvagal Theory. If you're new to the Theory, start here . Basically, the PVT says that our bodies can exist in three autonomic states. Polyvagal Theory Three Primary Bodily States Safety State : for social connection when safe Flight/Fight State : good for evasion and aggression when in danger Shutdown State : Marked by immobilization or collapse when in a life-threat. The Ideal State: Safety In the safety state, our body's defensive mechanisms are reduced, allowing us to use our resources more optimally. Our body naturally aspires to be in the safety state, as it optimizes bodily resources for "health, growth, & restoration" (Porges). ...survival mechanisms reflexively shift physiological state to support or disrupt homeostatic processes that support health, growth, and restoration. In response to threat, homeostasis is disrupted to support biobehavioural strategies of defense such as the metabolically costly fight/flight behaviours or metabolically conservative, but potentially lethal, death feigning reactions... -Porges, Autonomic state: A neurophysiological platform for feelings, emotions, and social engagement However, our conscious actions and beliefs often impede this process. Our bodies are compelled to self-regulate and will do so if uninterrupted. But we humans tend to do things like judge ourselves, doom-scroll, bully, obsess, or use substances. These actions or thoughts prevent natural self-regulation from happening. The body is compelled to self-regulate. It just needs us to allow it to do so. Yes, easier said than done. Allowing vs. Doing Allowing Emotional Expression By 'allowing', I refer to the process of letting our body's natural responses unfold without interference. This could mean stepping back from self-judgment or societal expectations that label crying a sign of weakness. Allowing is about mindfully creating space for our emotions rather than actively trying to generate them. Allowing our emotions requires the safety state to be active. When it's on, defensive emotional activation reduces. We become more curious about what we feel and can mindfully experience it with self-compassion. Doing: The Active Part While 'allowing' is key, there's also an active component. This involves purpsefully being aware of and feeling our emotions. For those who struggle with expressing emotions like crying, it helps to notice where in the body these feelings reside. Describing these sensations – their temperature, size, or shape – can facilitate the emotional process. It helps to enhance mindfulness of your emotions, like sadness. Once more mindful, the sadness can be acted upon, like through crying. But crying is typically not something we conjure or will with force. If the impulse to cry is there, we allow it. Or not. Allow your emotions and do something with them. Your emotions linger until you compassionately allow them. After allowing, you do something with them. In the Unstucking Academy, the coursework teaches you how, meditations and live meetups help you practice, and the small community ensures you're not alone. Learn more about the Unstucking Academy > The Complexity of Emotional Regulation The journey of emotional regulation is more than just performing actions; it's about being attuned to our body's signals and needs. Our bodies "know" what they need better than our conscious minds do. Essentially, the more we attune to our bottom-up experiences, the more self-regulation can happen. But if we stay in our heads, nothing changes. I think there is a natural balance of allowing and doing. You can certainly do things that allow self-regulation. You can actively set up an environment that is conducive to mindfulness. You can actively notice how you feel in your body and where your emotions live. All of this doing serves to allow your body to self-regulate. Do you trust in your power to self-regulate? Your body is compelled to self-regulate, but trauma stops this process. Do you trust that you have the innate power to self-regulate, release your trauma, and live more calmly, confidently, and connected? Read more here >   Q&A: Q: According to the Polyvagal Theory, what is the ideal bodily state for emotional regulation? A: The ideal state for emotional regulation is the safety state, where the body's defensive mechanisms are reduced, allowing for optimal use of resources. With the safety state active, shutdown can become stillness, and flight/fight can become play or empowerment. Learn more about the Polyvagal Theory mixed states here . Q: How should one approach the impulse to cry from the perspective of emotional regulation? A: The impulse to cry should be approached as a natural signal from the body, indicating a need for emotional release. It's about allowing oneself to experience this emotion rather than actively initiating it. Q: What is the difference between 'allowing' and 'doing' in the context of emotional expression? A: 'Allowing' refers to letting the body's natural responses unfold without interference, while 'doing' involves actively being aware of and feeling emotions, and recognizing where these feelings reside in the body. Doing can lead to allowing. Quotes from this blog: "I don't view emotional experiences as actions we must initiate; rather, they are natural responses that we should permit ourselves to experience." "I don't know about you, but when I feel the urge to cry, I don't actively initiate it. I feel it. I recognize it as a signal from my body, indicating a need for emotional release. And then I  allow my body to do what it is prepared to." "Our bodies "know" what they need better than our conscious minds do."

I agree that mindset is important.  But  I think it's misunderstood and prioritized way too high. It's a problem, but it's not the problem . You've likely heard you must fix your mindset to make the changes you want. (And likely from some internet coach.) You've heard you must stop your "negative thinking" and "shoulding all over yourself." So, you're here to learn how to do so. But I don't think how you think is causing the problems you seek help for. You may have already started trying to change your mindset and ended up feeling frustrated and lost. You might be ready to give up. Great news —you're in the right place!  Let's make sense of mindset, where it comes from, and what you can do to change it finally! in this blog: what is mindset? what is a growth vs fixed mindset? does a growth mindset truly fix everything? the challenge of adopting a growth mindset emotional state vs mindset when do you have a growth mindset? when do you have a fixed mindset? the connection between mindset and polyvagal state how to change your Polyvagal state mindfulness to shift Polyvagal state think less about your thoughts Mindset: What is it? So, the first thing to address is mindset.  We'll start generally.  Merriam Webster  defines mindset as "a mental attitude or inclination."  Cambridge Dictionary  defines it as "a person's way of thinking and opinions." Okay, great, but that doesn't tell us much. Growth vs Fixed Mindset You've likely stumbled upon Carol Dweck's work if you've researched "mindset". While I'm unsure if she initiated the widespread interest in mindset, her name is closely associated with it. My main focus lies in the contributions Carol Dweck has made to the field of psychology, the subsequent developments, and the reasons why it remains somewhat lacking. Focusing on thoughts as the root of one's problems is not a groundbreaking concept. Dweck and proponents argue that mindset can catalyze transformation. Like many others, she believes that if you can change your thinking, your emotions and behaviors will follow. Dweck's focus on cognitions comes in the form of a " growth mindset " and a " fixed mindset ." Fixed mindset: "If you have a fixed mindset, you believe your abilities are fixed traits and therefore can't be changed. You may also believe that your talent and intelligence alone lead to success and effort is not required." - verywellmind.com Growth mindset: "On the flip side, if you have a growth mindset, you believe your talents and abilities can be developed over time through effort and persistence." - verywellmind.com From this framing, the issue lies in your mindset type, particularly a fixed mindset . If you can adopt a growth mindset, then change is possible. Buuuut... Does a growth mindset truly fix everything? Is something wrong with your business? Are you not getting the right grades in school? Can you not communicate effectively with your spouse? Do you want a life partner but can't find one? Is there some sort of emotional dysregulation you're going through that you can't get over? Well, all these things, and a lot more, can be fixed with a growth mindset. At least, that's what the mindset gurus say. If you look up these things online, you will easily find numerous articles, books, courses, videos, and all kinds of stuff that apply the growth mindset idea to these topics. And, yeah, a lot more. the Challenge of Adopting a Growth Mindset Let's do a quick exercise - identify something that you want to change in your life. Something serious. Got it? Great. Okay, you have your problem. Now you know the answer is to adopt a growth mindset to find the solution that will fix your problem. So, I'll give you a moment to go ahead and adopt that growth mindset. Go ahead, I'll wait here. Did you get it? Do you have that growth mindset yet? Hm. Maybe not. To have a growth mindset, you have to grow it. You can't just turn it off or on. Sadly, even though the problem is easily diagnosable, it is not easily fixed by simply adopting a growth mindset. You have to grow it. You can't just choose to have a growth mindset. So, how do you get or grow a growth mindset... actually, hang onto that. We'll come back to it. Emotional State vs Mindset I have another question that is more important right now. Why do some people have a growth mindset and some have a fixed mindset? Some easy answers that come to me are: mindset is based on how one is raised mindset comes from birth and never changes mindset can change but it's really hard, so one opts to keep their mindset instead of working at it chemical imbalance perhaps? mental health disorder? illness? No matter the potential reason for one's mindset, we're still left with this assertion—the w ay you think is either right or wrong. I don't find this assertion super helpful. Getting people to think differently is not easy, especially if that's your primary way of addressing someone's presenting problems. People seek therapy for many reasons. And yeah, their thinking is potentially motivating them to seek help. But it's never the only reason. One's thinking doesn't exist in a vacuum. In other words, cognitions don't pop into and out of existence on their own. What we want to change about ourselves is never just a thinking problem. There's always more to it. Emotions lead to mindset, which leads to emotions, which leads to... I find in my therapy and coaching work that thoughts stem from our emotions. At the very least, they occur alongside our emotions, and the two reinforce each other. Thinking pessimistically can come from depression, but it also reinforces the depression. Negative expectations about the future can come from anxiety, and also reinforce the anxiety. Let me switch it up again, and I want to approach this from a different angle. When do you have a growth mindset? When do you naturally have a growth mindset? There are probably moments where you already have it! You don't need to do anything in particular. It's just somehow... there. Ask yourself these growth mindset questions: When do you have positive thoughts? When are you okay with learning from failure? When do you feel more authentic? When do you need less approval from others? When are you okay with being imperfect? You probably already have moments like these. So when is that? If you don't feel that way or never feel that way, imagine what it would look like to be more likely to feel that way. I assume you feel this way or that your mindset changes, probably when you feel calm and relaxed. When you have these emotions, you're probably more open to what life brings you and more connected to your senses. When you feel calm, your failures or obstacles in life probably aren't debilitating. You're probably more likely to roll with them and learn from them. I would guess you have a growth mindset when you're feeling motivated, focused, and energized to keep moving forward, even when there is resistance and frustration. You probably have a growth mindset when you're with others you feel safe with and trust, with whom you can be vulnerable or have fun. You also probably have more of a growth mindset when playing a game and socializing. Like, if you're playing Cornhole (which I'm sure we all do) and miss a throw, as long as you're with people and having a good time, it won't be debilitating. You'll probably pick up the sandbag and try it again. And if you miss that one, which you probably will, you'll try it again. You may not realize it, but in a sense, you have a growth mindset. You're seeing these little failures like missing the hole and trying to do better the next time. The point is that there are probably contexts in your life where you already have a growth mindset or something similar to one. So, why would it be there in some contexts but not others? When do you have a fixed mindset? How about with a fixed mindset? When do you have limiting beliefs? When are you more frustrated and think you'll fail? When do you feel like there's no point in trying? When do you feel like a loser and don't believe in yourself? I'm guessing it's probably when you're more emotionally upset, not calm, or not connected to the present moment. I would guess it's probably when you're feeling more alone or rejected, and I would guess it's probably when you're feeling pressured. Your emotional state has a lot to do with whether you have a fixed or growth mindset. I don't think one has either growth or fixed. Perhaps it's a spectrum of fixed to growth. Your emotions influence your mindset on that spectrum, but the intensity of your emotions does as well. When you're mildly frustrated, you probably lean toward a growth mindset. As you get increasingly frustrated, your mindset probably slides toward fixed. But this leads to another and better question—what's causing the emotion that is causing and reinforcing one's mindset? the Connection Between Mindset and Polyvagal State We know your mindset doesn't exist on its own for no reason. It comes from your emotional state, and we know your mindset and emotions reinforce each other. Another obvious question - What's triggering your emotions to shift your mindset? Your emotions come from your Polyvagal state. (If you don't know the Polyvagal Theory, use my free Polyvagal Intro page.) Your Polyvagal state comes from your brainstem detecting safety or danger, shifting your autonomic nervous system into an appropriate state based on context. For example, when the brainstem neurocepts you're in danger, it shifts your body's state to sympathetic flight or fight. Your body prioritizes its functions for survival through evasion or aggression. In this state, your body is activated and cannot settle down and relax. Your emotions will be anxious, aggressive, irritated, or worried, among others. And your thoughts will focus on potential "dangers," like work stresses or past interactions with people. Conversely, when your brainstem neurocepts safety, it will shift your body's state accordingly. When you're in a state of safety, you will feel calm, playful, intimate, and connected. Your thoughts will be hopeful, and you'll be more focused. You will have a greater potential for a growth mindset in this state. Your mindset potential changes depending on the state of your body. What affects your Polyvagal state? So, your mindset comes from your body's state, but your state shifts based on factors from several sources: environment, interpersonal, and intrapersonal. Each of us will experience these factors differently, and how things will affect us is not always predictable. One's past influences one's current state as well. Having experienced a healthy attachment with caregivers and established healthy boundaries will likely foster a growth mindset. This can enable individuals to navigate life's challenges, maintain a positive outlook, show compassion towards themselves and others, and learn from experiences. Indeed, being raised with an emphasis on the value of effort increases the likelihood of possessing a growth mindset. Trauma & growth mindset Trauma can severely limit someone's potential for existing in a Polyvagal state of safety, which is essential for a growth mindset. Trauma isn't the events or lack of events someone went through. Instead, it's the impact of those events on their bodies. In essence, trauma is being stuck in a defensive state. Does this mean someone who is traumatized cannot or will never achieve a growth mindset? Of course not. These individuals may appreciate the importance of sustained effort and never giving up. Their recovery may be instrumental in sustaining their growth mindset and efforts. Let's come back to where we started. Change Your State to Change Your Mindset Yeah, mindset is important, of course. But in my opinion, mindset is not as important as your state . Your state is the primary mover. If we can change your state, your mindset will change. Trying to change your mindset while you're in a defensive state is likely to reinforce that state—"I knew I couldn't do it!" It's just not as simple as changing your thoughts. Those with a growth mindset already have a lot or enough access to their safety state.  When obstacles occur in their lives or if they have a failure or a mini failure, they don't sink deeply into defensive state activation. They can roll with what life throws at them because their safety state is strong enough, resulting in higher distress tolerance and a growth mindset. This individual might even be able to feel and mindfully use their defensive state activation. When anxious, angry, or stressed, they use that energy to accomplish a goal. Or, at least make progress on one. The point is that people with a growth mindset have a pretty darn good anchoring in their safety state. That's probably the most significant difference between them and someone with a fixed mindset. The growth mindset person didn't wake up with a growth mindset; it was fostered and developed along with continual safety state activation. Their capacity to tolerate distress grew on an autonomic level, and then their thoughts followed. Change your state to change your mindset You know your mindset comes from your state. Now it's time to change your state. In the Unstucking Academy, the coursework teaches you how, meditations and live meetups help you practice, and the small community ensures you're not alone. Learn more about the Unstucking Academy > The problem is not a fixed mindset A fixed mindset is a problem,  but it's not  the problem.  Mindset and its accompanying thoughts are probably a tertiary problem. The primary problem is the Polvagal state. The secondary problem is the sensations and impulses from that state that haven't been felt and acted upon. When these aren't acted upon, they linger in the system. We feel them as emotions like anxiety and anger. Emotions affect our thoughts, which make up our mindset. A stuck defensive Polyvagal state is the primary problem. This leads to your mindset. How to change your Polyvagal state How do you go about changing your state, then? It's not easy, but it is possible to change your underlying autonomic state and achieve a higher level of safety. You need at least two essential ingredients to activate your safety state - literal safety passive safety cues Literal safety First, you have to have literal, actual, factual environmental safety. You have to be surrounded by a safe enough environment. If you're in a dangerous environment, it will be tough to have a growth mindset. Probably impossible. The other thing would be having actual safe people in your life versus people who are causing you harm or are directly a danger to you. Again, it is unlikely to impossible to have a growth mindset in this scenario. Passive safety cues The absence of danger does not equate to safety. It just means there is no danger. However, the absence of danger provides an opportunity to lay a foundation of safety. Introduce passive safety cues into your home to lay a foundation of safety. In my Building Safety Anchors course, I recommend picking one spot in your home to create a Passive Safety Environment (PSE). You use this space to adjust various environmental elements, like lighting, sound, and scent. When you change sensory elements of your Passive Safety Environment, try to identify what generally feels better than not. The goal is to create safety cues within your PSE that steadily trigger your safety state passively. The point is that passive safety cues are better than the absence of danger. From passive safety cueing, you can then shift to mindful safety anchoring. Mindfulness to shift Polyvagal state Mindfulness is a core piece of what I do with my clients and through my courses . Mindfulness means connecting with the present moment. In the present moment, you can feel safe, be curious about your mindset, and even shift out of a danger state. The easiest way to be mindful might be to use your senses. But don't use all of them at once. Pick the one that is the most easily accessible for you and focus on what it's telling you. When you focus on that one sense, try to slow down and experience it. Listen deeply to what it tells you. Take a breath in and let it out slowly, noticing the present-moment experience of your sense. Ask yourself, "Does what I am experiencing feel more or less like safety?" Practice this little mindfulness exercise daily. Your capacity to be mindful in other areas will increase as you do. You will become more acquainted with your safety state and notice it more often. Your safety state will strengthen, especially if you can combine mindfulness with letting yourself feel some defensive activation. When mindful like this, having a fixed mindset is difficult. When connected to the present moment, your thought potential opens up. A fixed mindset's all-or-nothing thinking erodes, giving way to a growth mindset. Think less about your thoughts I hope this little blog has helped you rethink your thinking and what helps you shift your mindset potential. I believe too much time and energy is spent changing our thoughts. I like working with other coaches in my coaching practice ; they tell me they're sick of stressing about their thoughts and getting their mindset "right." They're sick of stressing about negative thoughts, "shoulds," and fixed mindsets. There's value in awareness of thinking, sure. But there's more value to what's happening underneath your thinking - the stuff you're probably unaware of. Instead of endlessly trying to change your thinking, focus on connecting to the present moment. Then, notice your thinking and if it's changed or not. There's way more to you and each of us than our mindset. I invite you to become more curious about what else is within you. If you're enjoying this type of content, you'll love the exclusive Polyvagal-informed goodies and community within the Stuck Not Broken: Total Access Membership . Inside, you'll get access to courses designed to help you get unstuck and join others on a similar journey as you. Q&A from this Blog: 1. Why isn’t mindset the root of the problem? Mindset is often seen as the primary factor driving personal success, but it’s more of a secondary or even tertiary issue. Our emotional and physical states, driven by our autonomic nervous system, shape our mindset. If you're stuck in a defensive state, it’s much harder to simply change your mindset. The real work is in shifting your state, which then opens up the potential for mindset change. 2. Can I adopt a growth mindset immediately? No, adopting a growth mindset isn’t something that happens instantly. It’s not a switch you can flip. You develop a growth mindset over time by first focusing on your emotional and physical safety, which creates the foundation for it to naturally develop. 3. How does mindfulness help shift mindset? Mindfulness helps by connecting you to the present moment and allowing you to access your Polyvagal state of safety and connection. When you’re mindful, it’s easier to notice and shift out of a defensive state, which can then lead to a more open, growth-oriented mindset. Focusing less on thoughts and more on your present-moment sensations is key. 3 Quotes from this Blog: To have a growth mindset, you have to grow it. You can't just turn it off or on. Sadly, even though the problem is easily diagnosable, it is not easily fixed by simply adopting a growth mindset. The absence of danger does not equate to safety. It just means there is no danger. However, the absence of danger provides an opportunity to lay a foundation of safety. There's way more to you and each of us than our mindset. I invite you to become more curious about what else is within you. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach who specializes in trauma relief. He hosts the  Stuck Not Broken podcast , is the author of  Stuck Not Broken: Book 1,  and is a Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board member. He specializes in treating trauma and helping individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.