As much as I want you to get the relief that you need and that you deserve, I also don't want you to push yourself further than your safety state can take you. When doing more direct work on your trauma, like meditation, self-reflection, journaling, or guided imagery, there is such a thing as taking it too far and needing to stop.
(podcast listeners and I call this direct trauma work "Stucknauting")
What "stopping" means
"Stopping" means ending a trauma work session. As in, you're in your safety environment, grounded in safety, but then notice emerging dysregulation and then choose to end the session.
Stopping could mean simply stopping and re-regulating yourself. It could also mean pausing and returning to the exercise after you're re-regulated and back in your safety state.
So, stopping does not mean that you never come back to working on your trauma. Stopping does not mean that you give up—quite the opposite.
"Does stopping mean that I failed?"
Heck no! It's actually important that you stop or pause mindfully and make the conscious choice to do so. That indicates your vagal brake is active, and you're able to notice before getting sucked into a dysregulated downward spiral.
We do not want to get sucked into dysregulation.
So, if you can mindfully notice your limit, then pause and return, this will help to increase your distress tolerance further.
So, how do you recognize that it's time to stop?
Three signs it's time to stop:
1. Fear is taking over—The experience of fear (immobilization in flight/fight) is okay and an expected emotion of self-regulation. But we don't want it to be overpowering. When this happens, it'll be felt as panic or overwhelm (possibly rage, too).
2. You're no longer curious—When you lose the ability to feel curious or interested, you lose access to your safety state. This is a good time to pause, re-regulate, and return when ready.
3. Uninvited memories surface—You will probably have different images and memories surface as you delve into your stuck defensive state. And that's okay. But we want them to be welcomed, not intrusive. If a memory surfaces that you cannot welcome, it's completely okay to pause the exercise, re-regulate, and return when you're ready.
Next, we need to discuss what to do about it...
Ground in safety and return to safety
"Safety," of course, refers to your Polyvagal state of safety and social engagement.
Ground in safety
When you begin a session of trauma work, you want to be grounded in safety. That means your body is existing in the present moment. You have access to your sensory inputs and the experiences of the external world as they unfold. That also means you can look inward with curiosity at your SSIEC domains - State, Sensation, Impulse, Emotion & Cognition.
I created a free SSIEC download for you below.
Return to Safety
When you lose access to your safety state, actively do something to re-anchor yourself. Anchoring can look different for each of us, so I will hone in on one aspect for now: allowing for movement.
If you are getting sucked into dysregulation and immobility and unable to tolerate it, then I recommend getting mobile. Get up and move around. Remind your body that you are safe and that you can move.
Fidgeting can be helpful for minor dysregulation. For more severe dysregulation, getting up, leaving the immediate area, and going to another might be more helpful.
Once the immediate dysregulation has subsided, you can return to your passive safety environment and work more deliberately, re-anchoring yourself in your safety state.
Mobility and five other anchoring potentials are taught in depth in the Building Safety Anchors course.
Author Bio:
Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach who specializes in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast, is the author of Stuck Not Broken: Book 1, and is a Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board member. He specializes in treating trauma and helping individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.
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